Kate Smurthwaite

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Thursday 19th April 2018

If you read our interview with Bridget Christie recently you may recall Kate Smurthwaite getting a namedrop as one of the few comics also doing frank and fearless feminist stuff onstage a few years back, and blazing an important trail. Not that being proudly feminist is a walk in the park nowadays, mind you - unless you live near one of those dodgy parks full of shouty blokes, then it's pretty similar.

"I wrote ForniKATEress because people kept asking me why I'm always so cheerful in spite of all the hate and abuse I get online and, well frankly, everywhere, for being an outspoken feminist," Smurthwaite tells us, about her new show. And life generally.

"The answer is that my personal life is awesome and busy and full of wonderful people. And at the heart of that is being polyamorous. How could I be miserable for long when I have TEN wonderful lovers? So it's a completely honest show about how that works for me and it answers all the questions people, such as my mother, always ask."

That show has already been to fringes in Edinburgh and Perth, and next month will hunker down for four nights at the Brighton Fringe. But first, tonight, she's doing it in sunny London, at Shoreditch's Juju Bar and Stage. Yes, it's a bit short notice, but if your best pal suddenly announced that they had 10 lovers, you'd be on the phone to them for hours to find out more. And they're not even funny.

First though: that first gig.

First gig?

March 2004. I still have it on grainy DVD. Who else was on? Lee Bannard, Adam Mitchenall, Sheena Salmon, and people I remember but who didn't go on to gig much after that. I've watched it quite a few times, usually with curious friends. If I say so myself I'm not actually that bad but I do feel like I'm doing a really good IMPRESSION of a fairly generic comedian.

What's missing is me onstage, I really haven't found my voice. I was so desperate for things that the audience would laugh at that I didn't really stop to ask what I wanted to talk about. These days I just say what I want to say and, to be honest, I'm angry if the audience laugh... (err, that's a joke by the way).

Favourite show, ever?

The Hammersmith Apollo for the big People's Assembly fundraiser. The line-up was all my favourite comedians in the world: Mark Thomas, Mark Steel, Jo Brand, Jason Manford, Francesca Martinez. It was totally packed out and loads of my friends were there. And I was MCing so it felt like everyone was at my party and everybody had a great time.

Worst gig?

I did a terrible awards ceremony for local newspapers one time. There was a mix up so I only found out I was booked about five minutes before I was due onstage and I had to get in a taxi with a hangover and in the meantime all these angry little sports reporters had been told they couldn't go to the bar or have a smoke until I got there and it was all my fault and I was late.

It was beyond unplayable. Afterwards I sat outside the venue in Camden Lock Market and cried and well-meaning people tried to tell me that they liked it in spite of all the booing.

What's the most revealing thing you've ever seen someone talk about on stage?

It's a long time ago now but Dave Ward's show The Whole Truth and Nothing But... about gambling addiction was something that affected me enormously when I was starting out. It was an incredible show. Really funny and deeply moving.

Even when the superficial subject matter of my show has been political or scientific I've always tried to dredge up some of my own personal truth for it. Otherwise why listen to me? I could just circulate some hilarious PowerPoint slides.

ForniKATEress is a show that is entirely true and the whole point of it is to lift the lid on an aspect of my life I've kept quiet for a long time. There are definitely moments in the show where I think to myself "really, Kate, you're going to tell another hundred people this?!"

Who's the most disagreeable person you've come across in the business?

I feel like I'm handing out the Shit Oscars here. There's no shortage of people in this industry who think it's ok to treat me like crap. In fact I think it's kind a rite of passage among dicky little new acts to try and get me to block them on social media and then hand out a press release about it. Idiots. But there is a clear winner.

The first (and last) time I worked with this person, a female audience member told him she was a doctor and he got his dick out at close range and showed it to her. I'm glad to say the promoter threw him out.

The next time I saw him at an outdoor festival he dropped his trousers as he went to hug me. It was gross. I've seen a video of him bullying a drunk audience member into drinking their own vomit. I've had women who work at venues crying on my shoulder and asking bar staff if they can hide at the back of the bar after being harassed by him. Loads of women I've worked with have similar stories. It's not ok.

I can't wait for the #metoo movement to hit the UK comedy circuit.

Is there one routine/gag you loved, that audiences inexplicably didn't?

I constantly have to tone down routines I write about internet abuse. I'm so used to it that I just chat away about graphic rape and death threats and then I look up and no-one is laughing. Some people are just angry and some people look like they're about to cry and I have to stop and go "I'm ok, I'm fine".

Or they laugh along and then afterwards they say "wow, must have taken ages to mock up those screen shots, they look exactly like real Tweets". And I can't bear to tell them the truth, so I say "yeah, ages..."

Do you have an essential travel tip, for gigging comics?

Anyone who has spent any amount of time with me, especially on the road, will know I never leave the house without an array of flapjacks in my bag. Comedy gigging is not conducive to three healthy meals a day and I do not mix well with others when I'm hungry so I always stock up.

What's the most interesting audience reaction you've had - onstage or after - to this particular show?

Perhaps unsurprisingly, when you do a show about sleeping around, guys ask for your number after the show. Sometimes they're just joking, sometimes they kinda half mean it and I have to laugh it off and explain that I'm a bit "poly-saturated" at the moment. Oh, and there was that one guy who totally got my number! Hahaha.

How do you feel about where your career is at, right now?

There's really no-one else who does what I do, straddling the line between left-wing feminist atheist polyamorous comedy and taking on the news media directly. I wouldn't trade it in for anything. I'm doing exactly the thing I set out to do artistically and in terms of my activism.

I could do without the daily tsunami of hate mail and I would also love it if mainstream comedy shows and programmes gave me the odd break. But mostly those issues serve to remind me that the battles I fight are ones that need fighting. And at the end of the day I'm a happy little soul.

It's probably all the sex.