John Hastings - again!
Published: Friday 17th February 2023
It was the first of times, it was the worst of times - and certainly not the best of times for John Hastings, of late.
Comedy stages can take the weight of some heavy talk when the need arises, and the Canadian's latest show - Does Anyone Have Any Ointment My John Hastings? - wrings impressively big laughs from a grim few years, for him. Is the subsequent material some consolation, at least?
"I gotta say, I loathe comedians talking about jokes as therapy," Hastings confesses. "I wish I had an hour of observations, but I noticed fuck all, because shit has gotten rough!"
Fair enough. That show is touring the UK from Sunday, starting in the home of long-form comedy, Edinburgh, and ending with a bang at The Cannon in Newport Pagnell. It may not be therapeutic, but does he have a favourite bit?
"I will say there is a bit I am very proud of," he teases, "and to see that bit, come to the show. Thank you much!"
Thank you much. But first it's time for First Gig, Worst Gig 2.
First headline set?
Jeepers creepers. I think it was Kingston, Ontario at the Time to Laugh Comedy Club (and All Male Weekday Revue Club), it's feet from Canada's scariest prison and its nicest university. I remember being overly honest to the crowd.
The best advice you've ever had about doing comedy?
Check the hotel twice before leaving. Everything else presents itself.
Was there a big breakthrough show for you, where everything suddenly came together?
I think I got noticeably better at comedy in 2018. I started working in the States a bit and it kinda, I dunno, kicked me in the ass.
What's the worst stage you've ever played on?
I have to say it needs to be narrowed down, I have performed on, in and around active crime and active shitting. I have performed while someone fixed an ice machine. Honestly, kinda enjoyed them all. The shitty places are all club-owner-being-a-cunt related. Either not paying and/or shorting comedians financially.
God, I wish these were fun stories but mostly it's attempting to threaten a club owner in a nice manner so I can get rebooked.
The greatest set you ever saw?
Pat Burtscher, Top Secret Comedy Club, 2012. It was the best. Is the best.
The oddest audience member?
The historian of Trafalgar Square. I said 'okay professor' he said 'how dare you?' Was supposed to be an Edinburgh preview, he and I just talked and he gave us Trafalgar Square facts. It was awesome.
Is there one gag or routine that worked a lot better than you expected?
My entire 2016 Edinburgh show.
Your worst gig-travel experience?
I ran out of cash and could not afford the fucking Tube when I first moved to London so I walked from Finsbury Park to Soho to do three minutes for a club owner who at the end of the set informed me that the club was closing.
Who would join you on your dream bill - and which slot would you take?
Bro, I am watching this show, you know what I mean?
Fuck, this is a tough question. I'm gonna take a weasel way out. Honestly, I would say: that Hamburger guy from Def Jam, the headliner who once told me "no swearing" then opened his show by saying:
"I butt-fucked the opening act with a gun."
pause
"Kitchener used to [be] fun, you pussies!"
Right - not the 'Your Country Needs You' First World War Kitchener, but a Canadian town called Kitchener?
And if you want to be confused, it's not named after that Kitchener!
Lastly, the two gang members who once took the microphone at a Los Angeles club, and started just asking people why they would come to such a bad show.
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