Jarlath Regan

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Thursday 15th December 2016

Jarlath Regan seems to have nailed this 'Christmas gig' business. He's just back from a week in the UAE playing "lovely gigs in nice hotels," he says. "It's the dream ticket compared to the Christmas Party gigs that you get most years at this time."

You may know the now London-based comic from his excellent Irishman Abroad podcast, but we thought he was the perfect chap for this festive First Gig, Worst Gig due to his other sideline: a range of splendidly acerbic greetings cards, available via his website or in person at certain gigs.

Back to reality, Regan will be "performing my latest solo show back in Dublin one last time on December 21st," he says, and "playing the Glee club in Cardiff for a few nights," but won't be doing New Year's Eve shows. Ever. "My wife's birthday is December 31st so I never have to face the NYE gig madness most people face. Thanks be to the baby Jesus!"

Right, let's launch into the festivities.

What's the first Christmas you can remember?

I remember vividly figuring out the whole Santa thing. I got a lot of oranges in my stocking and when I went down to the fridge there was a bag of them with one left in it. The night before it was full. Either Santa was a cheapskate or it was all a con. I was livid. Got a talking computer from my parents that year. It was like an early learning thing. I wanted the Nintendo, I got a teaching aid. I was happier than I'd ever been.

What's your favourite Christmas gig, ever?

I love going back to Dublin and doing my annual Christmas show. I've been doing this for about six years and it's like my personal work drinks except it's good craic and nobody photocopies their arse.

And the most horrendous festive gig?

Covent Garden Sway is the place where comedians used to go to die. Everyone has a horror story. I drew the short straw one year. I had to MC shows there for a week solid. Two shows per night. I had several stage invasions. A man snogged me and another man licked my face. People had no interest. I nearly lost the will to live by the end. Jeff Innocent was on with me, and he smashed it each and every night.

The weirdest Christmas experience, onstage or otherwise?

I got trapped in my house in 2010. Worst snow in Dublin's history and I had literally skidded my car sideways back to the house to get my stuff and go visit my newly born son. By the time I got back to the car so much snow had fallen it wouldn't budge. I was inconsolable. Got drunk in the international bar and got into a pretty intense snowball fight with Des Bishop and the audience at the club outside.

Who's the most bah-humbug miserable Christmas bastard you've ever come across?

Too many to single out one. Comedy is full of miserable feckers.

Does your material change at this time of year?

I used to have 15 mins of Christmas material about gift giving etc. Now I just tend to go with whatever I am blathering on about at that time. I might project some of my Christmas cards onto a screen.

What's your best tip, for comics embarking on their first Christmas gigs?

Eyes on the prize. Head down. Go in with a plan. Stick to it. Get in and get out but occasionally embrace the madness. If it all kicks off and it probably will, live in it. It might be a story you can tell in the future. Brief the bouncers on what to do if you get attacked. Have a safe word.

How do you feel about where your career is at, going into 2017?

I need to have an answer ready for when every single relation I meet asks me that question this Christmas. They never ask it directly. They say things like, "And would you be doing a lot of the comedy?" Or "Are there many people at the shows?" Or "Would it just be you on these shows or would there be other acts?"

The correct answer to all of this is to stay upbeat and then spin the conversation around to the thing you know they are insecure about, i.e. "the career is going great. How is the affair working out for you? Are you happy with where it is heading into 2017?"

For details of Jarlath's dates, cards and podcast, visit www.jigser.com