Jacob Hawley

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Friday 23rd December 2022

It was the first of times, it was the worst of times... we all love a Dickens reference at this time of year. And that name, Jacob Hawley, does sound like someone who'd come wafting through your wall one night, warning about the long-term ramifications of being an evil boss, then delegating all the actual work to three other ghosts.

Actually Hawley the self-employed comedian is set for a joyful 2023, as he's touring the UK, including our favourite-named venue - The Horn in St Albans - to Newcastle, Northampton and beyond. But who does he reckon gig tickets would make a good last-minute gift for? The show is called Bump, and is "basically about becoming a parent without wanting to," Jacob explains. Sweet baby Jesus! But no, different story.

"It's stories and observations on having a pregnancy while the world was ending, and I guess it's done in my usual style of maybe being a bit laddy on the surface but attempting to be quite sincere underneath that. If you know anyone who's just become or is just becoming a parent it's a good night out, I'd say."

That's the spirit. And as the new year beckons, how would he say 2022 went, for the world and Hawley personally?

"2022, it always had it easy to be fair, it was always gonna look a good year against the previous years which were so tough but it was good wasn't it. It's the first in a while that I could put together a show like this and take it to Edinburgh, which was amazing, which meant I could put this tour together and I'm really excited about that. So I definitely can't complain. The world's in a lot of trouble though."

A dodgy future indeed. But now, let's look back at the ghosts of Hawley's Christmasses past.

The first Christmas you remember? And the first present?

I got a guitar at an age which, I'm sure my parents would agree, in retrospect was far too young. I think I was about six, I couldn't even get my hands round it. I spent Christmas Day and the following days coming up with a song that I remember christening The Hell Song, due to the fact that even I, at six, knew it was really, really horrible.

The worst present?

When I was 16 I really wanted an Xbox, and I knew it was quite a lot to ask for, so on Christmas morning when my dad handed me a box shaped like the games console I thought all my dreams had come true.

As I unwrapped what transpired to be a Freeview box, my dad explained to me that times were tough and Xboxes were really expensive, which I understood but still felt a bit gutted. Later in the day he passed me a little box that he'd 'forgotten' to give me earlier, it was an Xbox game, then he passed me another larger box, which was the Xbox itself.

I called him some really bad words. All good fun.

Favourite Christmas tradition?

Me and my school mates always meet up for a curry and a piss up. The tradition's run for about 12 years but this year's will be the first since 2019, which was easily the booziest we ever did, and which culminated in one lad (who was expecting his first child just weeks after this dinner) being given a joke scratch-card which told him he'd won 250 grand.

He believed it, hook, line and sinker. We told the whole restaurant what we'd done, people were taking pictures, the staff gave us bottles of bubbly, he was phoning his family to say he could buy them a house. We're really lucky he didn't hit us.

The worst Christmas gig you ever did?

I did a really rough one last year, just the usual, work do's who don't want to be there, drunk people ruining it, but the worst thing was I'm 99% sure the MC gave me Covid and I didn't see my family for Christmas. A really rough way to make two hundred pounds.

The best Xmas show you ever saw?

They're not particularly Christmassy but the Only Fools Christmas specials were a massive deal in my house, growing up, and something that stands the test of time as being hilarious and beautiful and poignant. The Frog's Legacy was probably my pick.

How's Christmas 2022 looking - hectic or restive?

As it's the first (almost) Covid-free Christmas in years, I'm spending it back in Ireland with my partner's family, but I'm flying back quite soon after as one of my best mates, Jack Chisnall (of sketch troupe Moon) is getting married in the Lake District. So: busy but very fun.

Your most memorable New Year's Eve?

New years DAY is the way to go, stay in with a takeaway and the Hootenanny for the countdown, go big the next day. I managed to combine Arsenal vs United at the Emirates with a big party a couple years ago which was amazing.

And any NYE plans this year?

I live a bit of a double life that I don't talk about often, me and my best friend own and run a couple of barber shops as well as a bar, so NYE is busy combining both lives.

I'm doing the Glee club in Nottingham with some nice people, I think Garrett Millerick and Josh Jones are on too, then straight on the train back to London to get to our bar, Idris Studios, up in Tottenham, for the countdown. Perfect.