Ian Stone

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Thursday 17th August 2017

One of the UK's finest stand-ups for a good few decades now, Ian Stone has branched out into football broadcasting in recent years, and is now exploring another great passion: music, and one act in particular. "So I want to write this book about The Jam and how much I loved the band and growing up in the 70s," he says. "It'll be funny."

Back in the modern world, he's looking to fund To Be Someone by going underground (you guessed that these are all Jam references, right?) via the crowdfunding site Unbound, which you can hear him talking about here.

That's entertainment. Now, back to the start.

First gig?

My first ever gig was at The Comedy Cafe (now sadly no more) in Shoreditch. August 14th 1991. Wednesday night was a night for new acts to come down and try and do five minutes. Other performers that night included Tim Vine, Mandy Knight, Marian Pashley and imbo.

I died pretty badly but my missus, who was in the audience, overheard two men talking about me. One said "terrible performer, decent material". It was something to build on.

Favourite show, ever?

I think a gig at Camp Bestival when I followed Howard Marks in the Comedy tent. I was introduced to about five hundred people getting up to leave so I said "at least wait for me to be shit before you leave". Most of them sat back down.

I was then heckled continuously by a two year-old and I said to him "just because you're only two, I have to treat you the same as I would treat any other heckler" and then i said "I fucked your mum". And his mum said "I'm sitting right next to him". It was extremely funny.

I then jokingly said that the only way I could stop him heckling was to drop kick him out of the tent. I was known as "the childkicker" for the rest of the festival.

Worst gig?

Too many bad ones to mention but I did a corporate gig for manufacturers of gardening equipment and opened with "if Snoop Dogg did some gardening, would he use a hoe". Got nothing and it went downhill from there.

The weirdest gig experience?

Opening for the punk band 999 at Rock City in Nottingham. It was surprisingly ok.

Who's the most disagreeable person you've come across in the business, and why?

Most people I've come across have been very nice. The ones I don't like, I tend to avoid working with them.

Is there one routine/gag you loved, that audiences inexplicably didn't?

I honestly can't remember; never been that attached to a bit of material. It's all ephemeral nonsense isn't it.

What's your best insider travel tip, for gigging comics?

Earplugs for hotels.

The most memorable review, heckle or post-gig reaction to your stuff?

Two that stand out:

1) A Jewish magazine called New Moon that reviewed me. The phrase that stood out was "reputedly brilliant but we've never caught him on a good night".

2) An attractive young woman after a gig in London last week.
Her: You know that married couples are allowed one cheat each?
Me: Yes.
Her: You're my mum's.

How do you feel about where your career is at, right now?

Would like to be playing arenas but other than that, I'm basically happy.

Ian Stone's Jammy project is at Unbound