Ian Stone

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Friday 6th September 2024

It was the first of times, it was the worst of times. And this time Ian Stone is here, who has been on the stand-up circuit for several aeons but is just about to do his first ever UK tour, with a completely different show than originally planned, and yet still it's very good.

Iandefatigable? Something like that.

"Ian Stone is Keeping it Together was originally going to be mainly a political show," he explains, "but Rishi Sunak heard I was going to do that and decided to fuck with me by calling a General Election just under a month before the Edinburgh Festival. Not that I took it personally."

Clearly.

"It ended up being partly political and partly some stories from when I grew up. As for the tour, I'm adding another forty minutes or so although, as yet, I'm not entirely sure what. But I can promise I'll know for definite on 13th September in Leicester."
That's when it starts. But now, having experienced countless clubs over the years - comedy, football and night (which is one of the show's themes) - it's time for Stone to settle back, think back, and tackle the rigours of First Gig Worst Gig 2.

First headline set?

I'm not sure to be honest. I never really liked the idea of headliners. Mainly because we don't get paid any more to go on last than we do to go on first. I remember doing the Comedy Store very early in my career and the other acts asked me if I wanted to go at the end and I was SO EXCITED to be offered the chance to close the late show, I said yes.

Anyway, they all left before the end and I went on just after 2am and died SO BADLY.

What's the best advice about doing comedy you've ever received?

[b]Was there a big breakthrough show, early on, where it all came together?

I remember a gig at The Crack comedy club in Harrow about two years in. There was a moment when I genuinely felt like I was enjoying the gig and had a modicum of control over the room. It really stayed with me, probably because it was the first time I'd felt that way.

Most of getting better at comedy is just incremental gains. It's rather like a football season. Some easy wins, some grind-it-out 1-0 victories, some tough away draws and a couple of horrible defeats. And the better you get, the better your season will be. I'm not sure I've ever won a title (although I did win Comedians' Comedian in 2017) but I like to think I'm reliably challenging for a European place.

What's the worst stage you've ever played on?

A room in a pub for a Jewish guy's stag do. They knew I was Jewish so they thought it might be a laugh. There were twelve of them and I was shown into this tunnel-like room with six men either side of a table. There was a semi-circle cut out of the end of the table and they shut the door behind me. I stood in the cut out semi-circle and delivered a 'show'. Every time I mentioned Judaism, they all stood up, banged the table and sang 'oy oy oy oy Mazeltov!'

The oddest audience member?

There was an old fella called Basil who had a very breathy laugh. He was a regular at Ha Bloody Ha in Hanwell. Once he got laughing, everyone else got hysterical. When it happened, it was actually quite difficult to do the gig.

Is there one gag/routine that worked a lot better than you expected?

I always think my gags are going to work. When I practise saying them in my front room, they go great. It's just when they meet an actual audience as opposed to an imaginary one that things sometimes go south. Sometimes quite spectacularly.

In terms of something I didn't think was going to work actually working, nothing comes to mind. If I didn't think it was going to work, I would've been unlikely to try it in the first place.

Your worst gig-travel experience?

Back in the day when railway tickets had to be picked up from the station, I travelled to Manchester from Euston. When I got to Euston, they wouldn't give me my ticket because I had a new credit card and not the one I'd booked with, because the one I'd booked with had expired.

The man in the ticket hall asked me why I hadn't booked with my new credit card and I said, perhaps a little sarcastically, 'because at the time I made the booking, it didn't exist. And any time I've tried to book a ticket with a credit card that didn't exist, I've had a very low success rate'.

He didn't appreciate my tone. He then asked me whether I had any photo ID. I didn't. It was the 90s. He said 'well, how do I know that you are you?' And to be honest, I found it a bit disconcerting because I genuinely didn't know how he could possibly know that I was me. I just ended up insisting, quite loudly, that I was me. It didn't work. I had to buy a new ticket. Cost me £129.50.

And the train was delayed by an hour and a half and the buffet couldn't serve tea because, as the chap who worked there told me, the 'tea making machine' was not working. And I said 'you mean the kettle?' And he laughed at me.

It was a very stressful day.

Who would join you on your dream bill (dead or alive), and what slot would you take?

At this point of my career, I just like to get on first and go home. But since you asked, if Billy Connolly and Les Dawson were on the bill, I'd stay to watch them.

Ian Stone is Keeping it Together tours the UK until late November. Tickets here: ianstonecomedian.co.uk