Eshaan Akbar

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Friday 13th January 2023

It was the first of times, it was the worst of times... but one man looking forward to an excellent 2023 is Eshaan Akbar, who's enjoyed a well-deserved shaft of spotlight recently, with some enviable TV work, notably Live At The Apollo's Christmas special. And next month he's off on a debut tour, with a typically sagacious show called The Pretender. What sparked it off?

"It was kind of serendipity," Eshaan explains. "I was bemoaning someone on Twitter who is very 'right-on' about everything, to the point where the inconsistencies in their philosophy seemed pretty obvious to me. I then realised that they were probably pretending - like we all do - in a bid to fit in.

"The idea grew from there, about my time in private school, banking, government, journalism, relationships, family and everything else in between - we all put out a version of ourselves at all times. True authenticity is seldom apparent and lots of funny observations can be made about our behaviour and thinking across different situations. Just then, my Spotify started playing The Pretender by the Foo Fighters. And it all clicked."

Comedy nirvana. Despite that status boost, the pre-tour publicity has been pleasingly down to earth: he's thrilled 'to play to tens and tens of you.' So what is Akbar hoping to achieve, by the end of it?

"By the end of the tour, I'm hoping ten and tens of people tell tens and tens of people that I'm worth watching and following, so I can eventually do a tour to hundreds and hundreds of people. Also money. More money. Money does buy happiness. Don't let anyone lie to you about that."

The ticket link is below. But now, back to the early days.

First gig?

My first gig was actually a showcase after a comedy course I'd done in Camden in December 2013. My dad, brother, and a friend were in the audience. I remember my ears feeling hot as I went on stage, and then comfortably cool the moment I said my first joke.

My closer that night - a cracking gag about sending my parents back to where they came from - stayed in my set for a good three years afterwards. No one else from that course is still doing comedy. My first open mic gig after that was in March 2014.

Favourite show, ever?

It's difficult to pick one. But in recent memory, probably opening for Jason Manford at Sheffield City Hall. Everything just seemed to land and I felt like it was the best I had been - in front of a huge crowd (some 4,500 people), for the first time in my eight-year career, I felt like a proper comedian. (Getting a cheer and applause as I wrapped up my set on Live At The Apollo that almost made me cry comes a very close second!).

Worst gig?

2016. King's Lynn. Horrible place. A group of lads walked off as I approached and said they didn't want to hear what a P*ki had to say. A group of four old people told Gordon Southern to stop talking about Brexit because "the Black guy before you was talking about Brexit" (the Black guy was me).

Gordon wrapped up his set and called one of the old women a c*nt. We got back to the car and Gordon's car was parked directly opposite theirs. They told Gordon he was un-English for voting to Remain and for driving an Asian man home.

Either that or a gig in a pub in Bow, where me and three other comedians were the most people they'd had in there for four months.

Which one person influenced your comedy life most significantly?

I can't really think of any ONE person. I'm very lucky that some of my closest peers are ground-breaking in their own way.

Kae Kurd, the first Kurdish person to appear on Live At The Apollo, sold five nights at the Leicester Square Theatre, built a huge audience online, and has a black book of contacts I can only dream of. Adam Rowe and Dan Nightingale have had unprecedented success with their podcast, Have A Word and made me a huge part of their success.

People like Sukh Ojla and Tez Ilyas have written books, and others like Sindhu Vee, have appeared in Hollywood films! I look to my peers for inspiration, and they influence me to keep going and do even better - I like being in the same room as them as an equal - and that keeps driving me.

And who's the most disagreeable person you've come across in the business?

There's definitely at least one person in comedy who absolutely despises me and I have no idea why. I did my TV panel show debut with them where, over the course of a four-hour record, they said zero words to me. A few years later, I saw them in a green room for a show Harry Hill was doing at the Moth Club in London, and they avoided me like I was the plague.

And this year, in Edinburgh, they gave me the kind of look I presume a mother reserves for the killer of her child. I actually had to do my Live At The Apollo warm-up with them and boy, I've never seen anyone move with the cat-like agility that this person did to avoid speaking to me at all. I cannot, for the life of me, tell you what the issue is.

Is there one routine/gag you loved, that audiences inexplicably didn't?

I had a joke that was always hit and miss (more misses than hits to be honest). The crux of it was that I didn't want a small section of the Muslim community misinterpreting my message, because that would effectively turn me into the Qur'An. It's actually quite a clever joke, if I do say so myself. But the responses ranged from discomfort, shock, annoyance, and anger that I was using Qur'An as a punchline.

I've got a joke at the moment about how you can tell new-money people by how much closer to their kerb their car gets (supercars). No one ever understands what I'm talking about but I'm determined to make it work.

Any reviews, heckles or post-gig reactions stick in the mind?

Over the summer of 2019, I was the resident comedian for Adventure Cinemas. An outdoor cinema experience that was travelling across the country. After my half-hour set in Liverpool, I had two women approach me.

Pre-emptively flattered at the attention I was no doubt about to receive, the two women, teary-eyed, explained how my jokes were setting the cause of anti-racism back 20 years, and that I was galvanising the crowd into making racism acceptable. They talked at me for about 20 minutes. I said thanks for their feedback, wished them well, and carried on race-baiting for the rest of my career.

How do you feel about where your career is at, right now?

Absolutely great. I'm about to embark on my first tour, after my debut at Live At The Apollo aired, something I'd always set my sights on in terms of chronology. I feel very lucky that my eight years in comedy have culminated in such a strong body of work - from the people I've supported, to the things I've appeared on online and on TV, through to the connections I've made. I feel like I'm just getting started, not least because there's a big announcement coming very soon!