Carl Donnelly

It's hard to imagine Carl Donnelly ever having a bad gig. The affable Londoner must be the most natural stand-up working today, the sort of act who just seems able to just roll up and roll off a bunch of absolutely belting stories, while other comics spend months slaving over a hot desk. But as his answers below show, Carl is as prone to being instantly shrouded by the cloak of insecurity and introspection as anyone else who chooses this haphazard profession (can you be shrouded by a cloak? Anyway, you get the picture).

Not this is a gloomy read - by crikey, no. It's Carl bloody Donnelly, after all. Let's kick off with his cacky fingers.

First gig?

I mainly remember the nerves. I'd never done any form of performance before so had never addressed a room of people. I also remember that I wrote my notes on my hand then about 10 minutes before going onstage I desperately needed the toilet - a number two - so went but then realised I couldn't wash one of my hands for fear of washing the setlist off so I did my first gig with a shitty hand!

Favourite show, ever?

My first open spot at the Comedy Store in London was a great moment in that it felt amazing to play in front of 400 people but it also taught me how far away from being good I was. I had a really good gig despite having only been going for a short while and I came offstage feeling pretty confident and full of myself. Don Ward - who owns The Comedy Store - was complimentary but then told me to watch the closing act before getting ahead of myself.

The closing act that night was Michael McIntyre. I'd never seen him before (this was just before he had mainstream success) so didn't know what to expect. He had a gig that, in terms of audience response, is still up there with the best I've ever seen. I watched him take the roof off and have people crying with laughter and it was a real moment of realisation that having a 'good' gig wasn't good enough. I knew I had to aim higher than that.

Worst gig?

I do very few corporate type gigs as I don't have a particularly good temperament for them. I don't deal very well with bad gigs mentally so have to protect myself from the sorts of gigs that send me to the depths of despair. I did one however a few years back where I had to do 30 minutes at a conference for the 'Winter Maintenance Community' that was hands down the worst gig of my life.

I died so badly for 30 minutes and then had to stay in the hotel with the audience - I ate so much room service and drank the mini bar dry on my own that night. I even had to check out the following morning in disguise as couldn't face seeing any of them. Unfortunately I got into the lift and a few of them got in on the floor below and recognised me. What followed was a very awkward chat about me having the worst gig they'd ever seen. I was a state for days after that.

Who's the most disagreeable person you've come across in the business?

Comedy is a strange industry in that the further you move up, the nicer people tend to be. The biggest arseholes I've met were in the early days on the open mic circuit. It's obviously down to just how competitive that world is that it brings the worst out of people. Nowadays, I tend to be in dressing rooms with people who are comfortable in themselves and their ability so don't need to act like twats.

I remember meeting a comic who won't be named at my second ever gig who was such an arrogant pillock that I've never forgotten it. He had been going for a couple of years so was giving me all sorts of advice about how to get gigs and improve but was doing so with the confidence of an arena comedian - we were playing to about 14 people above a pub in Camden!

I went on and had a good gig considering it was only my second time onstage and when I came off, there he was giving me feedback on my set and telling me what I did wrong. He then went on and stank the place out! I learned in that moment not to take advice from fellow open spots as it is an echo chamber of bad ideas. The best way to get good is to not look at those around you but just focus on yourself.

The weirdest gig?

I lost a bet in Edinburgh 2009 so had to do a gig in my pants. It turns out that it's incredibly difficult to perform just in your pants as it somewhat undermines your material!

Is there one routine/gag you loved, that audiences inexplicably didn't?

In a preview of my new show I did a routine about marrying my Bulgarian cleaner in a bid to stop her being deported that I thought was going to be so funny, it died so badly it made me laugh out loud onstage.

I was previewing with the excellent John Hastings in Manchester so we got the train together from London. We were discussing Brexit and I, in conversation, mentioned my fears for my cleaner Penka. We started laughing and had a funny conversation about the prospect of me marrying her and introducing her to my parents etc. At the end of it, John told me I should try out what we'd discussed onstage as he thought it would make a good routine.

Flash forward four hours and I was saying the above to a room full of Manchester folk who did not agree with John Hastings. It absolutely bombed and all I could hear was John laughing at the back of the room.

What's your best insider travel tip, for touring comics?

Learn the nice places for breakfast/brunch/lunch. I've become an encyclopaedia of nice spots to kill a few hours eating nice food and drinking nice coffee etc all over the country as I think it's important to have homely places away from home. As it can get quite lonely, tedious on the road, the last thing you want is to find yourself sitting in Nandos or Starbucks which all look exactly the same! The last thing you want is to add to the tedium.

The most memorable review, heckle or post-gig reaction?

I haven't read a review of myself in years but the last one I did read accused me of being homophobic for using the word 'Gay' as a negative. This was despite the routine being about how ashamed I was that in my youth I was the sort of person that did that very thing. Somehow the reviewer missed the whole chunk of the routine where I explained how wrong it is to use 'Gay' in such terms and just focused on the part of the story where I retold a time I used it.

I'm glad the reviewer got it so wrong as I needed a reason to stop reading reviews as I don't think it's particularly healthy to read about yourself. That one review gave me the push I needed and I've not read one since. For the record, I don't read reviews of other comedians either as I think that's equally unhealthy for a comedian's mental wellbeing.

How do you feel about where your career is at, right now?

I am quite lucky that I had no idea about comedy as a career when I started as I see other people struggle with not getting breaks etc. I had so little knowledge about the comedy industry that I was blown away when I found out you could make a living doing it. Because of that, I tend to feel constantly lucky that I can survive just doing what I love.

I grew up in a working class household with parents who have had to toil over the years just to make ends meet so it blows my mind that I make a comfortable living for messing around onstage. I am a bit of a hippy with these things which is strange as my personal life over the years has been turbulent and full of anxiety but comedy is the one constant that I look forward to and know keeps me sane.

That being said, if someone wanted to give me £1,000,000 to make a television show, I wouldn't turn it down.

Carl Donnelly brings his show 'Bad Man Tings' to the Pleasance Upstairs as part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe from 3rd - 28th August at 8:30pm. More info and tickets available at www.wearelivecomedy.com