Myra DuBois: Why you should celebrate Christmas in May

Myra DuBois, Rotherham's quadruple threat (acts, sings, dances, pours a decent pint), is performing a Christmas-themed show... in May. She explains why here...

This May my Christmas spectacular We Wish You A Myra Christmas lands at the Soho Theatre. "Woah there!" you're thinking. "Back up a minute, did she just say Christmas? In MAY?" - I most certainly did, dear reader. No one can accuse me of being a woman of convention and this year I've decided to give my fans (the 'AdMyras', to use their title) both new and old a festive treat, but in May.

"Pourquoi", you might think to yourself if you're French. "Eh?" you'll say if you're not. Have an open mind! Here are five excellent reasons to celebrate Christmas with me this year at the Soho Theatre. In May...

1) It's over and done with in one evening. These days, Christmas seems to begin in September and finish in February. Not in May! Christmas will start as you enter the theatre (hopefully in your best Christmas jumper, we have aircon) and it'll finish as you leave. We'll have pre-show festive tunes to get you in the mood and maybe even a mince pie or two. All of Christmas packed into just one evening, how economic.

2) The weather is better. Let's be honest: December never quite lives up to the snow-capped Christmas Card fantasy, does it? You're more likely to get a Sludge-Grey Christmas that anything even close to white. And you know what Britain is like... the tiniest bit of precipitation and public transport grinds to an abrupt halt. Move the whole thing to May. Have yourself a SUNNY little Christmas, more like!

3) Zero family expectations. You're probably expected to return to the family fold at Christmas, am I correct? They want you back in whichever corner of the UK spat you out, for a day of straining conversation with distant relatives and their questionable opinions? Not in May! Just gather your friends - the family we choose - and spend an evening with them, free from any guilt over spending time with your old Aunt Doris.

4) The shops are quieter. Not that you're expected to buy me anything, goodness me no; just bring yourself that's all I need, I've got everything I want honestly don't worry about me. However. If you were to get me (and/or your friends) a little something then the shops will be much, much quieter. To put it another way, Oxford Street won't look like the first five minutes of Saving Private Ryan.

5) You'll only hear That Song once. You know the one I mean. By her. The one about not needing anything else for Christmas except you. I'm not saying its title. On any day in December you'll hear that song on average 259200 times a day (that's three times every second). I solemnly promise that you'll only hear that song once during my show. Where you'll hear it and why shall remain a mystery but I promise, she only pops up once. I think...