Rob Gotobed and Tony Knight interview

Rob Gotobed and Tony Knight might not be that familiar to British comedy fans. They've both spent so much time living in the States now, doing things such as making videos for the likes of Funny Or Die, you'd be mistaken for thinking they're American. In fact, Rob is originally from Stoke Newington and Tony from Wimbledon.

After two years touring the USA, Rob and Tony are coming back to the UK to perform at The Leicester Square Theatre later this month. Here they answer some of our random questions...

Hi guys. How are you?

Rob: Great. I turned my welcome door mat around this morning and went outside for the first time in six years.

Tony: I just had a cup of coffee that gave me just about enough energy to get up and find another cup of coffee.

Rob: Yeah, I can vouch for that. He drank so much caffeine this morning that his phone is charging simply by him holding it in his hand.

Where are you currently living?

Tony: We've rented a flat in Earl's Court.

Rob: It's great. We live right opposite a 24-hour supermarket. Which is great for all those times when you wake up at 3am and think "These curtains have GOT to go."

How do you find British Police?

Tony: Brilliant. Anytime I've been in trouble with a police officer, I've usually eased the tension by just telling them to relax or to take a chill pill.

Rob: I always feel safer when I see traffic cops wearing those little white gloves, as I know if needed, they can direct me or make me a quality sandwich.

Were you interested in the recent General Election?

Rob: I just find it ridiculous that it's 2015 and Britain still hasn't elected a Prime Minister that has a shaved head with a really long, braided pony tail.

Tony: So how does this voting thing work again? Do we just unfollow the candidate we don't like?

Um... maybe Tony! How do you get on with modern technology?

Tony: I told a mate that my phone always autocorrects 'hahaha' to 'iguana'. The trouble is I've been trying to warn him about a killer iguana since last Friday and he thinks he's being hilarious.

Rob: My mum has an app that sends drone strikes.

Do either of you use social media?

Rob: Of course. In fact I just read a Facebook post describing something as "sir-real" and now I have a new favourite thing.

Tony: Twitter and Facebook fall out of a bar laughing about how good life is. They hear a voice begging for change; when they look down they see it's MySpace. Twitter and Facebook stop laughing.

Rob: My mother has more followers on Twitter than me.

Do you like watching cookery programmes like The Great British Bake Off?

Tony: Are you joking? We love them.

Rob: I wasn't alive when ravioli was invented, but I can only imagine the SHOCKWAVES it sent throughout the pasta-making community.

Do you believe in UFOs and aliens?

Tony: I believe we have already made contact with the aliens and they're way cooler than us. For example, they can skateboard forever without falling down.

Rob: Not sure, but if aliens do ever invade our planet the first question they'll have is 'Why is that tiger that loves cereals wearing a scarf?'

What about conspiracy theories... any you believe in?

Tony: Of course! I mean everybody knows that the real point of the Apollo space missions was to assassinate the first chimp in space who refused to return to Earth and declared himself Moon King.

Rob: I've never caught a bouquet at a wedding but I've been hit twice with a bag of rubbish from a moving car.

Tony: What the hell does that mean?

Rob: They know!

Do you find girls are more likely to make the first move since you've become
known as The Fab Two?

Tony: Oh without a doubt. I was in a taxi with a young actress, only last week, whose name I will not divulge, and when we got to our destination the taxi driver said "that will be £15.80"... and this actress flashed him the map of Tasmania!

Rob: For those of your readers who are not too clever on geography. Tasmania is a triangular shaped island a bit on the bushy side...

Tony: Anyway to cut a long story short the taxi driver said, "Haven't you got anything smaller?"

What advice do you have for people going on a first date?

Tony: Well, a great idea for a first date is to eat a handful of caterpillars the day before. Then drink lots of Coca Cola and then right in the middle of the date - burp out a flock of beautiful butterflies. Never ceases to impress the girls.

Rob: Also, don't respond to texts right away or you might look desperate.

Tony: Yeah that's right, always wait a few years and then reply "not much, you?". Keep it casual.

Rob: I joined a Dating Agency once. They matched me with a Jane Austen novel and a bottle of Tequila.

Have either of you ever come up with a totally unique idea?

Tony: Yes, an edible vegan cookbook.

Rob: A t-shirt that reads "I DIDN'T POOP IN THERE, SOMEONE ELSE DID BUT IT WASN'T ME" to wear when exiting coffee shop toilets.

What's your favourite movie?

Tony: Toy Story obviously, and the best thing about Toy Story is that if they ever decide to make an 'adult' version they can keep the same theme song. (You've Got A Friend In Me!)

Rob: Do I have to shave? No? Cool. Do I have to talk? No? Great! Can I smash stuff up? Yeah? Awesome!! Count me in.

Tony: Who's that supposed to be?

Rob: Jason Statham signing a movie contract.

Earliest childhood memory?

Rob: Watching seagulls circle overhead with tears in my eyes - because it was impossible to tell which one had stolen my onion ring.

Tony: Threatening to hold my breath until I got the dessert I wanted. Then passing out on the kitchen floor and coming around to see my mum standing over me saying, "I don't negotiate with terrorists".

Any other childhood memories?

Tony: That a simple joy of youth is telling another child you've caught a squirrel in a box trap then dropping a cage on him when he goes to check.

Tell us a bit about your school days...

Rob: I was voted 'Most Paranoid' by my classmates. Although they never did admit it.

What sex education did either of you get at school?

Tony: None at all really. I remember once Mr Williams our headmaster requested all the boys to go to the main hall one afternoon after lunch. Then, when we had all gathered he addressed us, "Are we all here? Right shut the doors. Are they all shut? Yes, good. Very well. Now look here, if you touch it, it will fall off! Right, return to your classes". And that was it. I left equipped for life!

Rob: Have you noticed that all those in favour of birth control are already born?

Most luxurious thing you've experienced?

Tony: I once visited a washroom in New York that was so refined that as you entered a sushi chef sliced individual sheets of toilet paper from cedar logs.

Rob: I once got to ride on a diamond encrusted jet ski. By the way, did you know, if your jet ski catches on fire in a fjord the Norwegian Navy just raise their swords and drink a toast to you.

Tony: Yamaha is a weird company. You can stroll into one of their stores and ride out on a jet ski playing a keyboard. Very strange.

Rob, where did you get that hair style?

Rob: Giovanni's in the high street. They like to do things a little differently there.

Tony: That's right, when it's your turn you take a seat on a mechanical bull and they turn on the scissor fan.

Rob: I once saw Richard Branson walking in there holding up a picture of Iron Maiden's Eddie.

What is your most treasured item?

Tony: Well, Rob's would have to be that old chair he takes with him everywhere.

Rob: Listen mate, that broken recliner and I go way back...

What previous jobs have you had?

Rob: I use to work at Pizza Hut but I got fired because I kept saying "pasta la vista, baby" to people... Do you think I should include that on my resume?

What music are you into?

Tony: The Beatles obviously. Did you know that if you play The Beatles' Sgt Pepper's album backwards - it contains a really good Nut Roast recipe?

Rob: The music of Justin Bieber really speaks to me, because I am a hat.

Tell us a secret you've never told anybody else?

Rob: Every night my socks sneak out of my laundry basket steal buttons from my clothes and go off to become Muppets.

Tony: One day man will swim to the moon.

Have you become friendly with any celebrities?

Rob: Russell Crowe is in the pizza-making class I signed up for at Croydon Leisure Centre. It's true and, do you know what, he yells at the instructor almost every week.

Tony: Well, I can't name names but I can tell you one thing for sure. And that's Tom Cruise isn't even the star of his own home movies.

Did your parents ever give you good advice?

Tony: Yes, my mother once gave me a great bit of advice. She said, "Tony, you're not a real dinosaur and stop eating all those sweets!"

Rob: No! In fact kids, never listen to your parents... mine said I could never be a ninja turtle but there I was last night in a sewer eating pizza with three other dudes...

Nice. To end on, do you have a piece of really good advice for anyone reading this interview?

Rob: Leaving three Mexican gherkins on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a fairly inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.

Tony: Go to your local card shop and hang out near the "I'm Sorry" greeting cards. Wait till someone comes over. Break wind. Hand them a card and walk away.

'Not Just Rob Gotobed But Also Tony Knight' will be on at The Leicester Square Theatre on Saturday 23rd May 2015. Info & Tickets