EastEnd Cabaret - Miss & Mr/Miss quiz

Comedy duo EastEnd Cabaret spend a lot of time together. Thus, taking inspiration from the classic Mr & Mrs quiz game, we thought we'd ask Bernadette Byrne and Victor Victoria to answer some touching questions about their comedy partner. The duo insist they're not dating, but we're not all that sure...

Where was your partner born?

Victor: Bernadette and I were actually born in the same small town, just two doors away from each other.

Bernadette: It's true, but we can't tell you where - if we told you we'd have to kill you.

Is your partner a tidy person?

Bernadette: I think Victy would be tidy is she wasn't such a hoarder of musical instruments. Everything has its place, but in a tiny bedsit you just can't find anywhere to put the 14th Peruvian Nose Flute that she just had to buy.

Victor: Each one is tuned differently! If she would just let me buy the matching Peruvian Nose Flute Rack, then maybe I wouldn't have to leave them out everywhere. Bernadette isn't naturally tidy anyway - every surface in our bedsit would be covered in empty gin glasses and sequins shed from her jumpsuits if I didn't deal with it...

Does your partner like sport?

Bernadette: No. Although she is always trying to convince me that Mahjong is a sport.

Victor: Anything that competitive is surely a sport! For some reason, Bernadette takes great interest in the men's beach volleyball tournaments at the Olympics. It's the only time she's ever tried to get front-row tickets to a sporting event.

Does your partner like cooking?

Bernadette: She likes cooking for me.

Victor: Bernadette doesn't really know how things in the kitchen work. Once I went out to get some more of her favourite brand of gherkins from Tesco's, and I came back to find her trying to cook an egg by holding it in tongs over the gas flame of the hob. She didn't realise you had to put it in water. The bedsit almost caught on fire!

What is their favourite TV programme?

Bernadette: Ice Road Truckers. I have no idea why.

Victor: She doesn't really watch TV, just videos of herself doing naked yoga. Which I definitely do NOT know where she has hidden.

What was your partner's first job?

Bernadette: Victy's first job was being my assistant in a magic show we put on in the local pub at the age of 5. I paid her in pretzels.

Victor: Bernadette has always been one thing. A born performer and entertainer. Even when not onstage - it could be a friend's party, a shop, a funeral... wherever she has a willing audience. Which is everywhere.

What is your partner's greatest fear?

Bernadette: Frogs. Again, no idea why, but it's funny to watch her weird little frightened dance when she sees one!

Victor: Running out of gin. I keep a constant supply on me at all times.

What would your partner save in a fire?

Bernadette: Me, obviously, and then probably the nose flutes.

Victor: The jumpsuits. And unfortunately, the feather and polyester combo is quite a flammable one.

What's the most embarrassing thing your partner has ever done?

Bernadette: Difficult question, darling, Victy is always doing embarrassing things. Wearing her bizarre golden mankini on the beach in Australia though rates quite highly on the list.

Victor: ... and Bernadette subsequently pointing and laughing when my mono-ball popped out the side of the aforementioned mankini was also quite disconcerting...

To finish on a high note, what is their greatest feature?

Bernadette: Her half moustache.

Victor: Her eyes. No - her voice. No, wait - her feet. In fact, everything. It's all wonderful.

EastEnd Cabaret bring 'Sexual Tension' to the Soho Theatre from the 1st - 11th October 2014. To find out more and book tickets visit www.sohotheatre.com

EastEnd Cabaret live online at www.eastendcabaret.com