Circuit Training 92: Mark Steel's Shady Past

One slight peculiarity with a Mark Steel interview is that you may well spend half of it talking sport, as he'll no doubt be engrossed in something on telly when taking your call. It struck me that it must be a full decade since Steel and I last spoke, as much of that previous chat was about the 2005 Ashes series; this time it's punctuated by occasional tennis exclamations.

We were actually supposed to be discussing Steel's extraordinary new show, Who Do I Think I Am, which, as the name suggests, is the best edition of Who Do You Think You Are? that never happened. I saw the first gig of the tour down at my local haunt and, honestly, the WDYTYA? producers must be kicking themselves, as what the much-liked lefty activist discovers about his real parents is jaw-droppingly unlikely.

As well as being wildly entertaining, the show raises some interesting questions about genetics, nature and nurture, and supporting Crystal Palace. Let's begin with the balls.

How's your day going, Mark?

We're alright, I think. I've got to have a bath in a minute. I'm at home watching the tennis, about to send my column off [to The Independent].

The last time we spoke must have been ten years ago, as we spent half of it talking about the 2005 Ashes - you'd just got the DVD boxset.

Ah, that Edgbaston match, I watch that every now and again. It's very emotional for me. I watched it again about a month ago, and my daughter looked at me with utter disgust: 'I can't believe you're getting like that!' Well, it was a very emotional game.

Have you done much sports broadcasting?

I used to do a show on Radio 5 in the '90s, before Radio 5 found its way, we had to recreate famous sporting events, with a quiz involving people who'd participated. It was a little bit before sports people became media savvy, so they'd come and sit in this little studio, I think they used to give them 30 quid or something. We'd ask them all these trivial questions, like what film they went to watch as a team on the week of the final.

I had such a brilliant time and met so many people, but I don't think anybody heard it: I never, ever, met anyone who said 'oh, I used to listen to that.' We did three or four series of it, with [Arsenal legend] Charlie George, people like that. We'd go for a beer with them afterwards.

[At which point I reveal to Mark that I'm distantly related to Charlie George, apparently, and he tells me an eyebrow-raising anecdote about going to the pub with Charlie and several of his relatives, which leads us nicely onto...]

Your new show reveals some fascinating stuff about your own family - when did you decide to do it?

Well, I suppose I had it in mind... I spent about a month writing it as a sort of miniature version of a book, I saw some publishers. Then in 2014 I went to Edinburgh because my son is doing stand-up now, he was going to be 18 during the festival, so I thought I'll go up, see him, and while I was up there I thought 'I'd love to do Edinburgh next year.' Then I was telling my agent the family story and he said 'you've got to do that for Edinburgh.'

It only took about six weeks to put it together: I'm lucky that there's so much madness there. Loads of people do Edinburgh shows where they try to fashion a meaningful story - 'this is about how I moved from Swindon to Hammersmith and this is what it taught me in life,' or some shit, but I was the other way.

I've got this story that's quite remarkable, but it hasn't made me a big emotional mess, at all. So I wanted it to be funny, I didn't want loads of bits where I start crying.

The first tour show I saw in Hertford was a pretty epic two-parter - presumably it was only an hour in Edinburgh?

Yeah - I was amazed the other night because I was really worried that it wasn't long enough, but somehow it expanded. I did improvise a few bits there, but I can't remember what they were. I wish I'd recorded it. It's a great place to start a tour.

Was it quite nervy then, being the first show?

Oh god, it's extremely nervy. It's like sport in a way, you have to put your nerves to one side, but there's this terrible fear that if it doesn't really work, all these people who've bought tickets will go 'I dunno, it was a bit disappointing really.' That's worse than when you first start and people chuck bottles at you: at least they don't know who you are. Now it's 'yeah, we booked a babysitter, bought some tickets, it was alright I suppose.' That's awful.

I notice with comics, the bigger they get, the more 'babysitter guilt' kicks in...

Well, you know, imagine being Rihanna, the pressure on that, thinking 'oh no, 8,000 people there tonight and I didn't quite take off.'

I don't want to give too much away about your show here, as the second half is like an Agatha Christie - how would you describe it?

Basically, I was adopted and I tried to trace my parents - that, in and of itself, I don't think is a story that's particularly interesting. However, the bits and pieces that unfolded as I was finding this out became so ridiculous that I just can't help finding it hilarious, and other people seem to think the same. And also, all the ideas I had about what makes you who you are turned completely upside down.

It raises some interesting questions about nature and nurture - and also shows you how easily led we are. For the first half I was thinking 'oh yeah, he does look a bit French...'

Ha! I've never thought about writing dramas where you lead people one way then it goes the other, but this story does that without me having to do anything. I saw Daniel Kitson's play Tree, and the way that led you one way and then another: when you realise you're a mug, the whole audience [goes] 'ohhh, what a fucking bunch of cunts we all are.'

The BBC have...

Oh fucking hell! Excuse me, Djokovic has just hit the most ridiculous shot. Sorry, carry on. He's making a total mug of Federer.

The BBC have just made The Rack Pack, a docudrama about Alex Higgins, exclusive to the iPlayer - they could do something similar with your story. Danny Baker got a whole series out of his [Cradle To Grave].

Yeah, it was good that wasn't it? Maybe. I should think about doing that.

Do you have more radio stuff coming up?

I've got another In Town series, so I'm trying to write that while I'm on tour, we'll record those in the summer.

What's the most interesting reaction you've had from a place you've featured?

I get loads of messages saying 'please come to our town and take the piss out of us, we've got loads of stupid things here' - which is very sweet, but I can only do six a year. I suppose the people who would be hostile to it don't hear it. I did once get a very angry reaction from Wilmslow, the mayor or something 'actually that's a terrible representation, we're a marvellous place.' But I rarely get that.

I just love the fact that in every town there are enthusiastic people who love the place. There was a bloke in Huddersfield who was very excited because - I forget the exact phrase - but he said 'our market is the only anabolic paralleloid tarpaulin-something roof structure in Western Europe.' And I said 'that's brilliant, that's going in the programme' - the fact that he was excited about it, but could understand that it was quite a peculiar boast, I think that's what makes [the show] possible really.

There isn't much politics in the new live show, so I'm interested to hear what you make of Labour's recent upheavals. Do you like the new direction?

Well, I've never been a member of the Labour Party. But there are some benefits we're doing for this Momentum thing [the pro-Jeremy Corbyn group], I'm doing some of those when I can.

How do you think it's all going to pan out come, election time?

I don't know. I think the main thing is to try to build some sort of a movement that could challenge the orthodox way that everything's supposed to be run at the moment. I've just been writing a thing about Google, their tax thing: they're getting away with paying very little tax over ten years, they've got all these nice little deals with ministers.

Meanwhile there's a bloke on the telly yesterday, this couple, they dedicate their lives to their disabled grandson, they've got a spare room in their council flat which is used for other carers to sleep in - so you know what's happening here...

... the bedroom tax...

They've been evicted because of it. But the judges have ruled that this is unlawful and the government can't evict them. And the government is challenging this: 'we demand the right to evict people like this from their houses.'

I mean, you don't need to be that astute to see the difference between the way they're approaching the multi-billionaires of Google and these poor sods. So it's just trying to build a movement that challenges that way of thinking as much as possible, and Corbyn's Labour Party is very much a part of that.

What will happen come election time? He's already getting a rough time from the papers...

Oh God, well if any of the other [Labour leadership candidates] had won, it'd be even worse, the idea that 'oh, if they'd won, the press would be nice to them and the Tories would take them seriously' is ridiculous, they'd have been just as foul and rude and everything.

Back to tennis, did you see that Daily Mail cover, where the two headlines were basically 'ban child immigrants' and 'hands off our immigrant tennis star'?

Really - ha! Yeah, she's Australian Hungarian, but from the bit of Hungary that's in Sussex. I'll have to have a look at that. But first I'd better get my arse to the bath.

'Who Do I Think I Am' is touring now, visit www.marksteelinfo.com for details.