Eleanor Conway: the real cat ladies of Instagram

Written by: Eleanor Conway
Published: Thursday 27th July 2023

I'm a straight woman, who is over 40, single and childfree. I'm in the happiest group of society. 18% of women over 40 don't have kids, 50% of women over 30 don't have kids. Sometimes I go on the internet and talk about how happy I am. And you know what the internet hates? Happy women. In the comments, I'll often get told I'm unhappy, even though I am happy. It's really odd. Depending on the video, I'll get a version of the same comment... 'Cat lady'... Classic. Oooo that'll put me in my place. And it's always from a profile with no profile pic, or a pic of a flag or a pic of an eagle.

Firstly, I'm not allowed pets in my one bed flat - don't get me wrong, I've thought about it. Every time I think about keeping an illegal cat I remember the large, indoor plant I bought from Broadway Market a few years ago that I tortured to death. If the death of an expensive plant doesn't dissuade me, I then think about where, in a flat that I couldn't swing a cat in if I tried, would I hypothetically put a stinky litter tray? I'd have to put it in the bathroom, which is a deal breaker for me because if there's one thing you should know about me is that I shit solo, guys.

'Cat Lady' is a comment that is often used towards women, but when you think about it, doesn't actually make any sense. Not for people that actually know and love women. It's based on the premise that a woman is so sad and lonely without kids and a man that she uses cats as a substitute for lovers and kids.

So we're saying that kids and a man is the goal, is it? Ok, let's look at the reality of that. Women that marry men automatically inherit 7 extra hours of housework a week. Working mothers are still doing two thirds of the housework, parenting and most of the emotional labour in a household with the father. That to me, is a lot of work to be happy.

I don't think there's a lonelier woman than a married mother in a relationship like that. I'm single, but I'm not lonely, I have loads of friends. I have time to build those friendships, because I'm not doing 7 hours of extra housework a week. And with regard to physical intimacy, women have no issue gaining access to that. Not always good quality, the orgasm gap is another article, but rest assured I have a cheat code which I share in my award-nominated show about the pleasure gap - Talk Dirty To Me, which I'm taking to the Edinburgh Fringe and then on tour later in the year.

A lot of things have changed for women in the past 50 years that have given us choices - access to the pill and access to our own bank accounts. As a result, we're in a place where we don't need to stay in a romantic relationship with a man if it's bad. We can have some control over our reproduction and we no longer need to be attached to a man in order to survive economically, this is huge. And it's a luxury our grandmothers didn't have. Our platonic relationships and friendships are very high quality. It's our personal relationships with straight men that are low quality and as a sign of self esteem a lot of us are opting out. The group of people that are currently struggling with sex and loneliness are in fact straight men. They're the real 'cat lady' and do you know who man's best friend is? Dogs.