Alasdair Beckett-King is taking on The North Sea

Alasdair Beckett-King returns. This time to chat about Jaws, The North and Jaws in the North.

Alasdair Beckett-King is the only comedian brave enough to speak out against that wet bastard: The North Sea. His new show, Nevermore, is more than an anti-sea diatribe though. ABK is uniquely poised to draw parallels between the history of the ever-shrinking British Isles, and his own childhood in the swinging 1990s. The multi award-winning stand-up comedian unravels some of life's shallowest mysteries. It is silly, faintly mystical and does not (at the time of going to press) feature any ravens.

What part of your show would you like to see quoted in years to come?

I would like the entire show to be inscribed on some future Voyager Record: a message for the stars, summing up the breadth of human experience and the totality of human knowledge. The only other things on the record would be an episode of Noel's House Party. With the original Mr Blobby, not the new, fake new Mr Bobby who looks subtly different, but I can always tell.

If you illustrate this answer with a picture of Mr Blobby, make sure it is the original Blobby. Or, better yet, have a picture of both real and fake Blobby, and let the people decide.

Is the North Sea the worst of the seas?

Yes. It's Number 7 in my list of the top 7 seas. The sea is our planet's must prolific serial killer, and we must act now if we want to stop it. Occasionally skimming stones on it is a start, but we have to be a lot more proactive.

How to you feel about the 90s being back in fashion?

Are the 90s back? I had no idea. Few things dishearten me more than millennials sharing nostalgic memes about milkmen rattling bottles, and long summers that seemed to last forever. Remember Pogs? Come off it. We weren't plucky evacuees, you were just happier because you didn't have a job.

(I mean, I realise I've expressed some strong opinions about the original Mr Bobby being better, but that's different.)

If Jaws was set in County Durham, would it still be a shark? Would the "Duuuumm dum, Duuuum dum" be played on the Northumbrian Smallpipes?

This is such a hilarious premise, I'm not only going to work it into my show, I will probably also travel back in time and film a short sketch about it. If I'm successful, please embed the video below:

[Editor note: Um....]

In your podcast Loremen, you explore folklore stories from different regions. What story about you should be told and retold and what part of the world would it be linked to?

I was once kicked out of the Shakespeare's Birthplace Museum in Stratford-upon-Avon. This was partly because I was making a little film without permission, but they were mostly annoyed that the actor playing Shakespeare was being historically inaccurate. He was wearing a shiny purple Shakespeare costume. You know those cheap ones where they can't say the character they're supposed to be? They're all 'Generic Boy Wizard' and 'Bat-like Avenger'. He was wearing a 'General Elizabethan Bard' outfit, and they were on us in seconds.

They kicked us out, via the gift shop. Which was particularly annoying because they were selling plush cuddly Shakespeares wearing the exact same purple outfit as our Shakespeare. Still, in the words of Noel Edmonds, what's done can't be undone.