Eli Matthewson interview

Millennials are having less sex than their parents apparently. New Zealand's "little gay rock star" Eli Matthewson is now at the Edinburgh Festival with his call to arms for the sexless youth...

Where did millenials go wrong? Was it smashed avocado toast?

Avocado is an aphrodisiac, so to be honest, for millennials to start having more sex, I think we need to be eating more of it. Screw ever owning a house, it's time to abandon the toast and just down five avocados a day. In fact what's really going to get my fellow millennials hot - and I've just trademarked this so DO NOT steal this idea - is my brand new product: Avocado Body Paint. It's just an actual avocado that you scoop out and smear on your body. You become the toast, and your sexual partner gets to role play as themself: a horny and hungry millennial.

Your show is titled The Year of Magical F*cking. Is it best to embark on year of magical fucking on a normal or leap year?

Obviously on a leap year. Are you kidding me? You get a whole extra day. And you know what you can use that day for...? More magical fucking baby*!

(*also could be a good time to do your taxes, tidy your house, organise your life and practice mindfulness so that your year of magical fucking doesn't get too overwhelming.)

What would you do in an X Factor audition?

Firstly, I wouldn't wear shoes - and then when Simon asks why, I'd say "when dad left he took all of our shoes. He said he was just heading down to polish them all but... I don't think he ever did polish them. He didn't care about us or our shoes."

Then I'd break down how I began to sing as a method of raising by eight younger siblings.

Tears would overcome me and I'd take a moment to breathe.

Finally: it's singing time. Some gentle harp would play, and I'd launch into a slowed down, dark and haunting version of The Ketchup Song by Las Ketchup.

The judges will praise my "unique tone" and thank me for embracing who I really am and ignoring the normal mould for popstars.

When it is finally announced that I'm through to the live shows my eight younger siblings (shoeless, all of them) would run onstage and surround me. We'd cry together, then after leaving the hall I'd inform them all to get their agent to contact me for payment.

How did you get the title 'little gay rock star of New Zealand'. Was the big moniker already taken?

Sometimes, after a gig, you might hear an audience member recounting the night to their friend, and you might hear them refer to you as "that short homo". Upon hearing this, you might want to take those words and alter them into a slightly more marketable sentence. However, even after years of using that phrase, you might be surprised to never hear an audience member refer to you as "that little gay rock star" - but there is still time!

This is your first time with a solo show in Edinburgh, will you get homesick?

I'm going to miss my boyfriend and good coffee for sure, but one thing Edinburgh has that New Zealand doesn't is a time zone that means I can absolutely avoid responding to emails. And I think that will truly feel like home.