Tom Greaves & Will Hartley: 10 Edinburgh Fringe questions

Tom Greaves and Will Hartley answers 10 questions about their 2016 Edinburgh Fringe show...

Give us a quick overview of your comedy career so far. Are you happy with where you're at?

Will: I started in 2007 with a sketch group called Clever Peter. We won the prestigious Buxton New Writing award at Buxton Fringe, and then our careers just catapulted to the stratosphere. We did a number of Edinburgh Fringes, losing a mere thousands of pounds in the process, but gaining maybe tens or hundreds of fans; we even had a Radio 4 series: Strap In It's Clever Peter. I once got a cheque for 39p because a clip was played on another Radio 4 show. Since then I've been rifling through bins for food and working in a cafe. Am I happy with where I'm at?... Sure. Yeah. Why not?

Tom: I'm a serious actor and this is my first foray into comedy. I'm just delighted to be here to be honest.

Tell us two truths and one lie about yourself (but mix them up, keep us guessing!).

Tom:
1. I'm swimming the channel next September dressed as a nurse.
2. I once had to have a back operation and couldn't walk for 6 months.
3. I was expelled from Eton for stealing; but Tom Hiddleston did it and dobbed me in.

Will:
1. I was once a National U14 shot putter.
2. I was once on top of a train and a cable came down, ripping off all the skin on my neck. I had to get it swabbed with pure alcohol and nearly died.
3. Last time I was at the Fringe, I got pneumonia so badly, I coughed up blood on the last Friday and went into hospital. The specialist told me my lungs were filled with fluid and if I hadn't gone in within two days, I would have drowned.

Describe your new show in exactly 23 words.

Tom wants to be a serious actor. Will wants to mess everything up. The show: a1980's action movies-style Gladiatorial Swim Race.

Any cunning plans to get more punters in?

Will: We've been flying wearing specially commissioned Open Swim dressing gowns and goggles, perfect for the Edinburgh weather. Also, Tom says if people line up after the show, he's happy to sleep with them all.

Tom: I really am.

What's your plan for trying to eat - and drink - healthily during the Fringe?

Tom: My body is a temple. I do a lot of exercise, and subsist on vegetables, mostly. Also, halloumi cheese and sweet potato is a great Fringe meal. I cook at home, and have a tupperware with me wherever I go. Steer clear of sugar and don't sleep for longer than six hours. It's going great.

Will: So far it's been going okay. I mainly sleep for 12 hours, get up, have a cup of tea, then after the show have a beer or two and a kebab. I feel terrible already.

What will you miss most while you're away from home?

Tom: I miss being around people who don't have a hollow-eyed look of stress in their eyes.

Will: You live in London don't you?

Tom: Fair point. It's the same.

Will: Maybe you mean childhood?

Tom: I miss childhood.

Aside from performing, what else are you looking forward to doing in Scotland's fine capital?

Tom: I climb Arthur's seat every morning - it's invigorating, and the views are astonishing.

Will: I just love this place. I end up walking for miles, pretending to flyer. I am looking forward to just kicking back and watching other people's shows.

Tom: It's amazing to think of the sheer amount of creativity that has gone into all the thousands of shows at the festival.
WILL: And the fucking admin.

If you took over programming a Fringe venue, what would your perfect line-up of comedians be?

Will: Daniel Kitson; BEASTS, Anna Morris, Colin Hoult, Abandoman.

Tom: Marcel Lucont, Lucy Pearman, Short & Curly, Nick Mohammed.

Will: THERE ARE TOO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE.

Tom: We'd have to do a different act every hour, for 28 days, to get everyone in.

Name the one person you'd rather not bump into during the festival.

Will: Donald Trump and Boris Johnson in one of those prams for twins.

Tom: Tom Hiddlestone. He's a lizard dick.

Will: Steady on mate.

Why should audiences pick your show over the 1,800+ other Fringe offerings listed on BCG this year?

Tom: It's a truly unique, fun show. It's ridiculous, tongue-in-cheek fun. It's surreal, and features Tom Hiddelstone as a villain, pigs, and an arse. If you're a very traditional person, it's probably not the show for you, but if you want to take a punt on something new, produced with the spirit of the Fringe, then this is definitely the show for you.

Will: Plus, it's about a Gladiatorial Death Swim Race. So how do we do that on stage? Hmm?

'Tom and Will's Open Swim' is at the Pleasance Courtyard at 9:45pm until the 28th August. Listing