Steve Mclean: 10 Edinburgh Fringe questions

Steve Mclean answers 10 questions about his 2016 Edinburgh Fringe show.

Give us a quick overview of your comedy career so far. Are you happy with where you're at?

I started as a poet in the early 2000s, mainly on cabaret and music bills. I did that for a few years and it just sort of tailed off . Then around 2011 I picked up again and I realised I was getting decent laughs between the poems. In April 2013 I did my first poetry-free stand-up gig. I tanked badly, I got one laugh for dropping my notebook. That bit of gold is still in my set today.

I'm happy where I am. My only real goal is to become better... or to take good slots away from hard working acts.

Tell us two truths and one lie about yourself (but mix them up, keep us guessing!).

1. John Barrowman once introduced me to a lurid sex act.

2. I used to be the roadie for 1990s band Ned's Atomic Dustbin.

3. I've never seen Top Gun all the way through.

Describe your new show in exactly 23 words.

I show you my shopping. I say 'who's this aimed at' a lot. Secretly I'm hoping it replaced 'amIright' as a comedy trope.

Any cunning plans to get more punters in?

When flyering I target groups of people who have just finished eating so they can't run away... and elderly people walking up hills as they're very slow. Unless you get one of those super fit pensioners who do triathalons at such, in which case I let them go.

What's your plan for trying to eat - and drink - healthily during the Fringe?

It's the little things that count, treat your body right and it'll reward you. Make sure your burger has onions AND tomato. Baked beans and mushrooms count as one each of your 5-a-day, so you can nail that down on your 1pm fry-up.

If you drink spirits, it's nothing to ask for an extra slice of lime. If you're a beer drinking then have a fruity ale every 5th pint. Cider drinkers are fine (apple, innit).

If you must eat in McDonalds then Onion Rings and and Apple Pie will keep you right.

Top Three Choices -
1 - Haggis Pie from Auld Jock's on Grassmarket (served with mash which is a vegetable)
2 - Haggis Ravioli from Ciao Roma on the South Bridge (comes in a tomato sauce)
3 - Tattie Dog from Pie-maker (sachet's TOMATO ketchup available on request)

What will you miss most while you're away from home?

When I was growing up in Scotland there used to be a saying 'If you don't like the weather, hang around from twenty minutes, it'll change'. I'll miss being able to dress for the one season in the morning and having it last me all day.

Aside from performing, what else are you looking forward to doing in Scotland's fine capital?

Haggis.... I'm all about haggis. Plus seeing loads of great acts blah blah. Haggis.

If you took over programming a Fringe venue, what would your perfect line-up of comedians be?

Dan Akroyd and Chevy Chase in conversation about all the hilarious things that happened during the filming of Spies Like Us and then a special showing of Spies Like Us with commentary. Then a Spies Like Us themed disco.

A student group can put on An Improvised Spies Like Us musical called SPIES LIKE IMPRUVS, THE MUSICAL

There could be a youth theatre from a troubled area doing Spies Like Us but with an urban ghetto gangster twist called Spies Like Bruvs.

And special showing of the abandoned Simon Pegg / Nick Frost low-fi camcorder remake of Spies Like Us - Spies Like Hot Fuzz...

I'm out.

Name the one person you'd rather not bump into during the festival.

Dave Walker. who notable for being a member of 1970s band Savoy Brown.. he was also in a mid-period version of Fleetwood Mac...
However he's probably best known for briefly replacing Ozzy Osbourne (who returned only to be replaced again a year later by the might of Ronnie James Dio).

Basically it'd be so awkward right? He'd be 'alright Steve' and I'd be 'alright Dave' and he'd want to talk about his latest solo album from some form of crowdfunding project that he forced his mates to take part in and all I can think about is saying 'Dave, remember when you were in Sabbath and they kicked you out for being a bit of a penis? You didn't even record a song with them did you? You made on TV appearance and then POW! you're gone... Tell me Dave, do you regret that?' He'd be like I just want to talk about what I'm doing now and I'm like 'no one cares Dave, tell me about the 12 days you were in Sabbath or you can buy your own Starbucks coffee' Yeah, I mean like Dave Walker could afford Starbucks coffee. Take a run and jump, Dave.

Actually, If I do see Dave Walker, formerly of Savoy Brown, Fleetwood Mac and Black Sabbath, I'm going to make him cry.

Why should audiences pick your show over the 1,800+ other Fringe offerings listed on BCG this year?

Well there a lot of shows on but there aren't very many good ones on at 3.15pm, I've checked so you don't have to. Put the book down, I'm not lying... Also the venue is a bit like what an office block might look like if there was an apocalypse, not many shows can offer that post-nuclear feel.

Plus it's a show for both pro and anti-consumers, with props, a musical ending and slide show featuring the music from Tony Hart's Gallery, which I've not paid to use, so I may get taken to court and imprisoned for copyright abuse. See me while I'm free (from prison) and free of charge.

'Steve Mclean's Rambunctious Reading Room' is at The Canons' Gait at 10:40pm until the 28th August. Listing