Amée Smith: How to get over a break-up

Written by: Amée Smith
Published: Sunday 14th August 2016

Amée Smith's show is about a relationship break-up she went through, so we asked her for advice on how best to get over a relationship...

Hello lovely newly single you. Or well prepared coupled up you, this advice can be stored for later too... though don't let on you're doing that, it looks a little pessimistic.

Let's start by remembering that you rock. You solo is just as good as you were as half of a pair, maybe even better 'cos your ex was weighing you down. No one liked them anyway. You're better off without... and all those useless phrases!

Now throw them all way. Screw what anyone had to say about them and focus on you. You. You. you. You. You. (As soon as you're done focussing on me that is).

If your break up is new, then give yourself some time to feel sad, angry and hurt. Cry some and shout some. Feel the feels! You can't get passed them without going through them, so go through them. Just don't do the crying at your ex. It's not about them and they don't need to see. Be angry and experience your hurt, but don't aim to hurt. Lashing out just makes you feel worse (ok momentarily awesome, but then less so). Do the shouting, but don't shout in crowed bars about the time they slept with a hooker and how "Sorry" isn't really good enough to work through that. It won't help. It will win you high fives that night though, and the look on their face will almost make it worth it. But you're better than that.

Once you've had some time for the initial grief at the loss of your love put some you time in. Do the things you love doing and don't do them for any other reason than because you like them. Getting over someone happens while you're looking somewhere else, and your focus isn't on them. If you don't have a list of hobbies from before you met your ex, steal theirs. You deserve to get something out of that relationship and it might as well be a new skill. And half the records. If you can, keep the house.

Let go of all the things that they did that hurt you. Trust fate to give them comeuppance but know that it's best delivered when you can't see. You'll be busy being amazingly happy when it happens so don't push to make it happen sooner. You may never know about it, but that's ok. They shouldn't matter anymore. Don't you be bogged down remembering how crappy they were. You are not defined by the way they treated you. Set it all aside and be the you you want to be. Be happy and fun and the more you do it the truer it will be.

Post relationship sex can seem a challenge. You've spent time training someone to get it right and now you have to find a new one. Don't go back to the old one. It's not like getting back on a bike. You might remember exactly how to ride it but you can't leave it chained up for when you need it next. And if you try to it'll only be ridden by another rider and get wonky handlebars... or, worse, it'll stick around after someone else steals a wheel and the breaks'll squeek. Dump that bike and trade up for a better ride.

Don't think you've fallen madly in love with the next one though. Rebounds are part of the process and to make sure you do this phase right. Have a few.

Don't look for a new love. Love comes when you're not looking and as someone wise said... You can't hurry it. Nor do you need to seek it at all. remember sentence one of paragraph two.

Be well, be happy, be you.

"Amée Smith: Relax, It's Not About You" is on at Underbelly: Daisy at 3pm until the 29th August.