Written by: Chris Martin
Published: Friday 10th August 2012

Chris Martin - no, not the Coldplay one; the funny one - offers up this guide on stuff to nick whilst you're at the festival...

When you come to live in a city for a month you have to buy a lot of tedious items. Now food is not something which goes into this category, as you need it to make sure you do not die. I'm talking about condiments, towels and household items that you normally have in plentiful supply at home.

There is a fun game I've been playing this month in which I 'five finger discount' as much as possible. I'll give you a few tips below:

1. Salt and Pepper. Nick this in either sachets from a restaurant or, if you're feeling especially naughty, take the shakers (you can never return to this restaurant again though).

2. Towels. Join a gym and steal them. If you're paying £50 a month then try and steal 50. Then you're about even for the money.

3. Ketchup etc. Again hit a restaurant. Or go to a burger van and see if you can take the whole ketchup container they confidently leave on a separate table.

4. Shower Gel / Aftershave. Go into a newsagent and take all the free samples from various magazines such as FHM, Men's Health and GQ.

5. Poncho for the rain. Tell a flyerer you'll only take a flyer in exchange for their waterproof. They have a lot of spares so will happily comply.

6. Cooking Oil. Rub a young spotty student actor's face onto some cloth then take the cloth home and rub it on your frying pan.

Hope this has helped you all save some cheddar.

'Chris Martin - Spot The Difference' is at the Gilded Balloon at 8:45pm. Listing