Had a go at this one last month, anyone else write a version?
Anyway, feedback is appreciated.
To "Talk to the Animals" from Dr Doolittle:
If I could talk to the Taliban, just imagine it
Chatting to a chap from Pakistan
Imagine mouthing to a Mullah, Natt'ring to a nutter
Just to get peace in Afghanistan
If I could talk to the Taliban, learn their languages
I would talk to Shi'ite and Sunni,
If I could say "yes, please" and "thank you", when taking all of their oil
Think how very useful it would be
We could compare the Christians and the Muslims
Maybe we'd make a cultural breakthrough
If people asked me, can you speak in Hebrew
I'd say "Ah! we-too, hate those bloody Jews"
If I conferred with our bearded friends, chimp to men,
Think of the amazing repartee
If I could walk with the Taliban, talk with the Taliban
Rape and kill and stalk with the Taliban
And they could talk to me!
If I consulted with Mad Mullahs
About their g-d A-llah, learning all about Sharia Law
Could maybe watch while they deliberate, on whether beards should hang straight
And whether a raped woman is a whore
If I spoke slang to the Taliban
The advantages why any fool on Earth could plainly see!
Discussing how to beat Obama
And where the f**k's Osama
To catch that dude would make me so happy!
I'd try to learn some of their foreign ways
I'd get some opium and smoke it in a pipe
I would bring some of our own delicacies
What d'you mean, you can't get Halal tripe?
If I could talk to the Taliban, make friends with them
Maybe a bright future is in store
If we could trade with the Taliban, parade with the Taliban
Share and care, not be afraid of the Taliban.
Then we could care and share till we next start a war!