As much as I deplore the man, I have to say I agree with Lee on this one.
The performances were lacking oomph. I know you're having problems encoding the sound, but still the voices were muted and mumbly. They sounded as though they were recorded in a tin box too. You've clearly put a lot of work into the animation and you should spend an equal amount getting the sound mix right. Sign up to Shooting People and put a bulletin out - you'd be amazed the people you can find who'll help you for free if they like your project enough. The guy who mixed the sound for my last sketch was the foley on Hellboy 2!
A couple of the edits were confusing too - the opening especially. The cut from the burning arm to the mid, to the close of the mum was very lumpy. You could tighten the 3D sequences too I thought.
Too many animators 'finish' a piece and refuse to go back to it despite the obvious room for improvement. Don't be one of those, Gav. Consider this draft one and crack on with another. This has the potential to be so much better.
PS. You spelled 'Written' wrong in the credits.