2 from 'The New Statesman'
Alan B'stard: "It'll cost you"
Other character: "You should have that translated into latin and eblazoned on your family crest."
---------
Mugger: "Wallet!"
B'stard: "Sorry, I don't speak unemployed."
Best lines in a sitcom Page 3
"This week's meeting of the Problem Solving Club will be held in room 26 on the second floor of B block...but you're not allowed to use the stairs."
[/quote]
Great line
Interesting question...that line was written by Chris Langham...any less funny?
I don't think so but its a conundrum I've been juggling for a while...
Alice: You know that stuff they're selling now at the local shop?
Geraldine:Which stuff?
Alice: I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Geraldine: yes
Alice: Well, I can't believe it's not butter.
Geraldine: Yeah, well I believe that is the idea, yeah.
Alice:Then yesterday, I went to Crookenden and I bought this other stuff, like a sort of home-brand, you know?
Geraldine: Yes...
Alice: And you know, I can't believe it's not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
Geraldine: Mmm. I'm losing you now.
Alice: Well, you know I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?
Geraldine: Yeah, you think it is butter.
Alice: No no, I mean you know the stuff that I can't believe is not butter is called I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Geraldine: Probably, yeah, yeah<
Alice: Well I can't believe the stuff that is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and I can't believe that both I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and the stuff that I can't believe is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter are both, in fact, not butter. And I believe they both might be butter, in a cunning disguise. And in fact there's a lot more butter around than we all thought there was.
Geraldine: Yeah. You see, I don't know what you're talking about.
Love it!
Lister: ... down there; where all those people are gathered around that giant pizza.
Kryten: That's not a giant pizza, sir.
Lister: Not a giant pizza?! It's got to be eight foot across. Where do you eat? The Fat Bastard-eria?!
Ted: Now concentrate this time, Dougal. These...
[he points to some plastic cows on the table]
Ted: ...are very small; those...
[pointing at some cows out of the window]
Ted: ...are far away...
Quote: mixmasterfestus @ November 4 2008, 10:55 AM GMTInteresting question...that line was written by Chris Langham...any less funny?
No.
Quote: Finck @ November 4 2008, 12:05 PM GMTTed: Now concentrate this time, Dougal. These...
[he points to some plastic cows on the table]
Ted: ...are very small; those...
[pointing at some cows out of the window]
Ted: ...are far away...
Classic 
Father Ted: It was.......Fargo Boyle!
Crowd: Rabble Rabble Rabble Rabble (f**king ell)
^^ My fave Father Ted bit ever ever ever.
Edited by Aaron.
Mr. Brown: "Ali, you can't have two wives."
Ali Nadim: "Why not?"
Mr. Brown: "It's bigamy!"
Ali Nadim: "No, it's big of me!"
What programme is that from, EMS?
Family Guy at the history museum.
Little Peter: Why are all the dinosaurs extinct?
Museum tour guide: Because you touch yourself at night.
Quote: Aaron @ November 4 2008, 6:50 PM GMTWhat programme is that from, EMS?
'Mind Your Language' of course!
Ahhhhhh! I should have known! Ace show. Really want to see Series 4 though.