1) Ever since the accident, we've been keeping an eye on our Grammar - She slipped on the kitchen floor and puctuated her colon with a knife. She was in a comma for a week. It won't fully-stop it happening again, of course, but we put up some brackets for her to grab on to, and she can always call us if she's in trouble, using the Grammar-phone. Then we can dash round if she ever accidentally slashes herself again. I'm afraid she's gone a bit dotty, I'm scared she'll cross her tea with rat posion.
2) Did you hear about the Grammar torturer, Asterisk, who used to string up his victims by the dots on their eyes till he got the exclamation he wanted? He got a suspended sentence, though many were in favour of Capital punishment.
3) When I was shot down behind enemy lines and captured, I ended up under a Camp Commandant. Fortunately for me he preferred a bit of Corporal Punishment (and I escaped whilst they stared lovingly into each others' eyes.)
4) One has to be careful at the Post Office on a Friday, when hundreds of older, often incontinent, citizens descent on it to collect their pensions. It's difficult to avoid the Pees and Queues.
5) For a really delicious meal, try adding a "Magic E". After all, it does turn cak into cake.
6) What phone makes sure your texts adhere to the rules of English? The Grammar-phone.
