MAN STANDING AIMLESSLY OUTSIDE A CINEMA.
VO
You there are you bored?
MAN NODS.
VO
Well Sootyj's guide to being evil at the cinema maybe just the ticket for you.
WE'RE NOW INSIDE THE CINEMA FOYER
A COUPLE ARE BUYING SNACKS.
VO
I say that chap's buying a lot of popcorn, but only a diet coke for his ladyfriend.
Do you think he's going to pop the tub on his lap so she can share some even though she's on a diet?
MAN NODS
VO
Good stuff, have you got your saveloy?
MAN NODS WAVES SAVELOY.
SNEAKS UP BEHIND MAN AND PUTS IT IN THE POPCORN.
THE COUPLE GO IN THE CINEMA.
VO
5,4,3,2,1.
MAN COVERED IN POPCORN IS CHASED OUT OF CINEMA BY ANGRY GIRLFRIEND.
VO
Ooh look over there Christians! They're going to see the Passion of the Christ, and they're giving out leaflets and everything.
THERE IS A BUNCH OF DO GOODING CHRISITIANS QUEUING FOR A FILM HANDING OUT LEAFLETS.
VO
Got your poster.
MAN HOLDS UP A POSTER READING "The Gary Glitter, Paedophile Gang Bang Tour."
VO
Now put it carfeully over the Passion of the Christ Poster.
CUT BACK TO QUEUE WHERE CHRISTIANS ARE BEING SAVAGELY BEATEN BY POLICE AND CINEMA GOERS.
VO
I guess no one wants to be in their gang!
So are you going to see a film now? How about the hilarious Rockey Horror Picture Show?
MAN NODS AND RUNS INTO THE CINEMA
WE SEE THE POSTER, OBSCURED PARTIALLY OBSCURED BY A POT PLANT.
THE PLANT MOVES AND WE CAN SEE THE FOLLOWING WRITTEN UNDERNEATH.
"Special performance for violent, adult, fetish club,"
MAN TRIES TO RUN OUT OF DOOR, HE HAS A BALL GAG IN HIS MOUTH, NO CLOTHES AND A SPIKED COLLAR.
SEVERAL HANDS OF DIFERENT GENDERS DRAG HIM BACK.
VO
Oops! Looks like they're gonn tttttouch him!
Next week how to be evil in the airport, don't forget your stanley knives!