Viking
Two middle aged middle managers sit in a dull looking office. They look at each other and nod, then one presses on an intercom panel and speaks to the secretary on the other side of a closed door.
Mr Jones: Can you send him through now Miss Wickham. Thank you.
The door of the office and a nervous looking man dressed as a Viking enters the room. He wears a horned helmet.
Mr Jones: Ah Tostig! Please do sit down.
Tostig: Er... thankyou.
Mr Jones: I assume you know Barry Allen here from Human Resources.
Tostig: Oh... that's right.
Mr Allen: I think we met at the Christmas party...
Tostig: Oh, yes... the red wine...
Mr Allen: I spilt some on the new suit.
Mr Jones: Good I'm glad we're all acquainted. Tostig, you may be wondering why you're here.
Tostig: I must admit I am...
Mr Jones: Well you've been with us now for how long?
Tostig: About 5 years...
Mr Jones: Until recently you've been in an admin role and doing very well in it.
Tostig: Thank you. I'd like to think so.
Mr Jones: But within the last few weeks you've moved into one of our field positions.
Tostig: That's right. I figured why be a Viking if you can't get out there? You know.
Both Jones and Allen laugh to themselves.
Mr Jones: The thing is we've had complaints...
Tostig: With the Raping and Pillaging? I've really been putting my all into it.
Mr Jones
on't get us wrong.
Mr Allen: We wouldn't want you to get us wrong!
Mr Jones: On the raping front you've been very positively received.
Tostig: My wife will be so relieved.
Mr Allen: The raping has been getting great feedback.
Tostig: I do enjoy my work.
Mr Jones: Without taking it home with you of course...
Tostig: (Grinning) Of course...
Mr Allen: (Suddenly serious) Which brings us to the other less satisfactory matter , the pillaging.
Tostig: Oh...
Mr Jones:I've just got off the phone from a lady who was expecting to have her house pillaged yesterday. She took the day off work and waited in all day for you to turn up and trash the place. And you didn't show...
Mr Allen: She's pretty annoyed may I say.
Mr Jones: Understandably.
Mr Allen: She's not the only one.
Mr Jones: Up and down the country there are unpillaged communities who wonder why they enrolled with our service at all.
Tostig:I do try.
Mr Jones: Trying is not enough in this circumstance I'm afraid- results are important.
Mr Allen: Very important.
Mr Jones: We're going to put you back through basic training... and I need you to really reappraise the way you approach your work...
At this point a phone ringing is heard. Tostig reaches up to his helmet and removes a horn- talking into it as if it's a phone.
Tostig: (Angrily)I told you I'll be there soon! Don't you listen?
Tostig shrugs and looks at the other two men who are shocked.
Tostig:I'm fired aren't I?