Years back, when we were recruiting for the lab I worked at, I put in an obviously fake job application to give the lab manager a laugh. As it turned out, the applications we were getting were so bad that she was unsure whether this fake one was real or not.
I might try to use this for something so here it is for you to rip apart...
Covering letter (badly hand written, including all spelling mistakes):
Dear Bob Rolph,
I would like to proposition myself for the post of which you have advertised your laboratory assistent. I have great pleasure to present for consideration my curilucum viti which you will find enclosed here with for your perusal.
Regarding my CV and myself I am registered disabled but need no special facilities at work and have had a few troubles. The doctor at the hospital has told me to apply for jobs as part of my recovery. The doctor said onesty is important for a job so I have to tell you that the medicin I am taking is still ontrial So I may have to take an occasionally day off when I am not feeling "well" but obviously these will not be paid.
Obviously any of these issues will be discussed in the confidentialty of my interview as will the degree course I part completed and where I have been staying for the last 2 years.
I am looking forward to hearing from you of the details of starting my new job and hope that my troubles will not detter you from hiring me.
Faithfully yours,
Colin Smith (mr)
And the CV, badly photocopied with an ugly black border on the page:
Curilucum Viti
Name : Colin Smith
Address : 42 Dunsford Road
Wimbledon
London SW19 3EH
Tel : 0181 543 4256
Birthday :19th August
Married : Not
Children : 0
Education:
Pelham Secondry School, Wimbledon
1971-1973
Wimbledon College
1973 – 1978
Qualifications :
O Levels
Technical Drawing B
Combined Science E
English D
Maths E
Carreer:
1982 – 1983 Merton Borough Council
Environmental Cleaner
My duties in this position was the cleansing and clearing up of my designating co-ordinated area. It was my responsibility to do a early morning patrol inspecting pavements and road surfaces for dog excraeces and the removal thereof. I also cleared up other refuse such as vegetable matter e g leaves etc… and human soilings such as e.g. Kentucky Fried Burger boxes and Mcdonalds catron etc… I informed my boss of any mess in my area and making reports for the mess. I left because of several health problems from working with outside in the cold.
1987 – 1988 London Yogic Flying Society
Yogic Flying Instructor
Having found my spiritual inner self, I became an instructor for the London Formation Yogic Flying Team. Duties involved teaching yogic flying, pre-flight safety checks and karma balancing and making tea. Unfortunately I was asked to leave.
1991 – 1994 Deepak Patel Ltd (Newsagent)
Part Time Delivery Assistant
Having been unable to find full time employment since leaving the Yogic flyers, I took up a job delivering papers in the morning to save enough money to buy a new prosthetic leg.
1995 – 1997 studying for degree
I studied for a bsc in psycho-meteorology with honours in cloud asthetics. It was an open university course at HMP Wandsworth but I didn't finish it because my parole came up.
Interests :
Ive had a lot of spare time on my hands throughout the years I have many interests. I intend to take up yogic flying again when I get my licence back, I enjoy watching TV, walking (with aid), reading,making origmi animals and like most people I enjoy going down the pub. I also take my mother who I live with to Bingo and have recently started to play myself.
Additional info:
I currentl on 6 months probation and finishing off my sentence as a suspended sentence, under medical guidance at Spring Field Hospital. And I will be happy to discuss my reason for internment at interview. I ensure that I will be very carefull to wear trousers under my lab coat at work so that a re-occurance will not recur for my previous offence.
