THE FAMOUS 5 ARE TALKING TO A POLICE MAN AND A LADY.
POLICE
Right then officer Cobber and this is Mrs Sumpter from a government agency.
GEORGE
I say wizard chaps, a government agent we really have found a spy!
JULIAN
Shut up George you're just a girl. Any way we followed the mysterious man with the beard all around Black Rock island.
DICK
We just new he was a Russian or working class.
JULIAN
Shut up Dick or I'll kick you in the pills again.
ANNE
Oh July you're so commanding when you're violent.
POLICE
You see there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, I'm with the local child protection unit of Amblshire police.
LADY
And the government department I represent is social services. When did you kids last see your parents?
JULIAN
We're on summer holiday.
LADY
It's November.
ANNE
Oh Dick we have been on holiday for rather a long time.
GEORGE
4 years now.
JULIAN
You want to be treated like a boy George? How about a manly kick up the bum?
POLICE
Now none of that.
DICK
We wanted to go home, but Julian wouldn't let us.
POLICE
And what have you kids been living on?
FAMOUS 5
Picnics with lashings and lashings of ginger beer.
POLICE
How do you pay for them?
JULIAN
Ruddy cheeked farmers wives give them to us.
DICK
After you pull a knife on them, oh do your worst Julian you f**king psychopath I don't care anymore.
JULIAN
Well at least I never actually killed any one.
GEORGE BURSTS INTO TEARS.
ANNE
You really are a swine Julian, you know George only killed Mrs Midgeon because you said it would make a man of her.
GEORGE SOBBING
I wanted to be the man you needed Anne, I've always loved you.
LADY
Oh dear God, you've been running rampant in the Devon country side. Stalking men with beards and terrorising farmers wives.
POLICE
At least tell us what you did with Mrs Smidgeon's body.
JULIAN
The same thing we did with our parents bodies,
FAMOUS FIVE Timmy, you greedy dog.
TIMMY LOOKS RUEFUL.
LADY
You killed your parents, oh PC Cobbler I'm going to be sick.
JULIAN
We didn't, one of us couldn't hold their scrumpy.
DICK
You monster Julian you made me get on that combine harvester when I was drunk.
POLICE
Right you lot are under arrest.
OTHER POLICE OFFICERS COME IN TAKE THEM AWAY.
LADY
Dear God PC Cobbler that's the most horrible story I ever heard.
PC
It gets worse the ritual murder and rape of one Violet Elizabeth Botts.
LADY
Oh that's just Williams.