British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 6,140

I was walking my dog through the cemetery when a funeral cortege came up from behind.
I stepped off the roadway and bowed my head as the lead car came by.
I carried on walking and the dug grave was up ahead with the mourners standing around it while the coffin was being shouldered to it - so I stopped.
One of the mourners came over to me and said my name. I didn't recognise him. He was one of my old school friends who I hadn't seen since then.
He told me it was our maths teacher that was being buried.
Not much of a tale, except, the finality of life suddenly struck me. I'd never given it much real deep thought before but I was filled with dread watching that burial.
A horrible feeling came over me. That teacher was a brilliant teacher and always explained complicated mathematics until you understood it.
It bothered me for hours - the doom feeling. Then it washed away with thoughts of just enjoy yourself Stephen, there's a box waiting for all of us.

Cheerio.

Thank you Reverend Goodlad, for your thought for the day. I'm sure it has cheered us all up.

Covid Autumn Boost today. I felt an even bigger prick this time.

My job hunt is still ongoing and was delayed by 28 days as I had to get my passport renewed as you have to prove that you are eligible to work in the UK these days so there was a 90 quid outlay that I could have done without.

Anyway I've had a few interviews and may get second ones so its not all doom and gloom and I am also writing again as one tickle could sustain me for a year as I live that frugally.

But my post in the main is about how f**king cheeky some of these on line recruiters are. Tonight I got this email.

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Dear xxxxxxx

Today, as per your job profile, we found that your work experience matches with multiple job vacancies available at Tesco Plc and Unilever, UK.
So, we decided to approach you by email, incase you are interested in working at Tesco Plc or Unilever then you can send your CV directly to Talent Acquisition Manager on below pages:

1. Jobs for xxxxxx at Tesco Plc
2. Jobs for xxxxxx at Unilever, UK

Best wishes for your success.
Thanks and Regards,
Kathy G.
:kathy.g@dubaijobsplus.com
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For a start I never said anything that would link me to these jobs.
But what really got to me was that here's me ready to do my best to find a shift to pull that also leaves me space to write.
But look at her email address. This cheeky bastard is laying on a sunbed in Dubai using her phone to put me and god knows how many others on the night shift in f**king Tesco so that she can water ski off the commission she gets for putting me in the frame.
What a world eh.

Ah job hunting, I remember that. I remember it as a pain in the arse.
I went to one interview that had the title 'Electronic engineer. It was for a national vending machine company.
The job description was vague and it had the ubiquitous words 'competitive salary.
When I asked what the salary was, they treat it as a state secret saying they would reveal it to the second interviewees.
Second interview?
I imagined that this position as an Electronic engineer entailed repairing faulty vending machines in a specialised workshop.
No, It entailed driving a company van filled with coffee, tea and crisps etc and re-filling the machines and pulling the occasional faulty PCB and replacing it with a new one.
I told them I wouldn't be coming to a second interview without knowing how much the pay was.
They huddled together whispering whether they would be prepared to tell me at this delicate stage.
They did and it was about half of what I was already on.
I bet they didn't expect the rocket they got from me as I walked out.

I must admit its a real pain in the arse and a worry at the same time. Hopefully I will get one soon as apparently there's millions of them I just can't find one yet. I might end up as the oldest man in Amazon working in the dead of night sorting Christmas out like a demented Elf with a bad back. :P

Quote: Billy Bunter @ 5th October 2022, 6:11 PM

Covid Autumn Boost today. I felt an even bigger prick this time.

...plus a very sore arm and resulting deprivation of sleep overnight.

Tomorrow for me.
Not had any issues before, so hoping all will be well.

Only had a slightly aching arm for about 12 hours - no problem

Went for a pre-assessment for a cataract operation this morning. Got to have it done, as it will only get worse, BUT if it goes wrong (1 in 1500) I will be registered blind and never to be seen on this site again - a cheery thought, and I expect there will be those who would be glad.

Don't worry - in the history of horse racing the longest odds that have ever come up is 300/1 so i'd have every confidence.

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 7th October 2022, 3:53 PM

Went for a pre-assessment for a cataract operation this morning. Got to have it done, as it will only get worse, BUT if it goes wrong (1 in 1500) I will be registered blind and never to be seen on this site again - a cheery thought, and I expect there will be those who would be glad.

Good luck Herc.

Quote: Chappers @ 7th October 2022, 8:01 PM

Good luck Herc.

Thank you Dave - I'll let you know when I'm due to go under the knife. ?

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 7th October 2022, 3:53 PM

Went for a pre-assessment for a cataract operation this morning. Got to have it done, as it will only get worse, BUT if it goes wrong (1 in 1500) I will be registered blind and never to be seen on this site again - a cheery thought, and I expect there will be those who would be glad.

Good luck! I'm sure that the surgery will go without a problem.

Thank you DB - I have asked to have the surgeon who did the trabeculectomy last year on my left eye, as he certainly seems to know what he is doing.

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