Victim, not that I can remember (one of the joys of getting old); but perpetrator, yes.
Status report Page 5,890
Quick! Somebody lock this man in a small room with a tortoise, frozen chicken, ride-on lawnmower and Mrs Warboys to see what happens.
I don't believe it! Just had a classic VM happening at Tesco's - as we all know it usually involves queues, either at the checkout in store or on the forecourt.................
So I pull up behind this man who is at the other pump, who "discovers" (couldn't he read the sign!?) that it is out of order, so he asks me if I wouldn't mind backing up so he can use the pump I am at. Feeling generous (unusual for me!) I do so and wait for him to fill his car. He is now having trouble with this pump I was at, so I abandon that and join another queue where the man in the front has just gone in to pay and the young chap behind him was just finishing filling up.
The first man has now decided to do some shopping along with paying for his petrol ("shall I pull up so other people can get petrol? Will I f**k, I'll carry on with my shopping" Bloody selfish arse!) He finally comes out and drives off, as does the young chap, and I finally get to fill my car up.
Having filled my car up, I now look around and the forecourt is now completely empty - zilch not a sodding person in sight, so previously I had pulled into the heaving forecourt and now it is f**king empty.
F**king typical. 
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 7th January 2016, 12:21 PM GMT
I don't believe it! Just had a classic VM happening at Tesco's - as we all know it usually involves queues, either at the checkout in store or on the forecourt.................
So I pull up behind this man who is at the other pump, who "discovers" (couldn't he read the sign!?) that it is out of order, so he asks me if I wouldn't mind backing up so he can use the pump I am at. Feeling generous (unusual for me!) I do so and wait for him to fill his car. He is now having trouble with this pump I was at, so I abandon that and join another queue where the man in the front has just gone in to pay and the young chap behind him was just finishing filling up.
The first man has now decided to do some shopping along with paying for his petrol ("shall I pull up so other people can get petrol? Will I f**k, I'll carry on with my shopping" Bloody selfish arse!) He finally comes out and drives off, as does the young chap, and I finally get to fill my car up.
Having filled my car up, I now look around and the forecourt is now completely empty - zilch not a sodding person in sight, so previously I had pulled into the heaving forecourt and now it is f**king empty.F**king typical.
You should've waited 10 minutes or so and it would've all been fine.
I know that! Story of my life - if only 5/10 minutes later/earlier. F**king fate.
Chip's off to shave a goatee onto his face. Although it's already starting too feel like too much hassle, so he might not bother.
You don't strike me as a bearded man.
This is chip in my minds eye.
Confession: most of my decorations are still up.
I will do it tomorrow. I will.
If you leave it much longer, we'll see you on a local news segment as one of those nutters who celebrate Christmas everyday.
Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 7th January 2016, 8:55 PM GMTStory of my life - if only 5/10 minutes later/earlier. F**king fate.
Needs some padding I think
Have you considered using a ghostwriter?
Quote: Lee @ 9th January 2016, 1:37 PM GMTIf you leave it much longer, we'll see you on a local news segment as one of those nutters who celebrate Christmas everyday.
\o/
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 9th January 2016, 1:42 PM GMTNeeds some padding I think
Have you considered using a ghostwriter?
"Herc The Obscure", or "Herc Of The d'Urbervilles"?
"The Mayor of Grytpype Thynne" has a nice ring to it as well. 
Bloody snow! Though not too much yet. You know you're get old when you see a gritter and want to cheer and wave to the driver.
Spent all day doing rewrites of my sitcom, likewise yesterday and tomorrow. Talk about pressure! We're into preproduction now, production starts second week of February, just heard they want me to be there during the week of rehearsals. Very exciting but exhausting! I'll tell you more about it when it's been officially announced, they asked me to keep quiet about it until then...
Quote: beaky @ 9th January 2016, 10:14 PM GMTSpent all day doing rewrites of my sitcom, likewise yesterday and tomorrow. Talk about pressure! We're into preproduction now, production starts second week of February, just heard they want me to be there during the week of rehearsals. Very exciting but exhausting! I'll tell you more about it when it's been officially announced, they asked me to keep quiet about it until then...
Send it to me. I've got nothing to do tomorrow.