Is enjoying zooo's post count.
Status report Page 5,664
How many fingers did she use?
Where is everybody? Are you all having a really early night prior to tomorrow's piss-up?
Everything Marc says sounds absolutely filthy.
Quote: Lee @ 17th July 2014, 1:36 AM BSTIs enjoying zooo's post count.
I missed it. 
Over 67,000!!! My god! Are you having counselling?
I need it.
How the hell...
Do you have a job??
I work from home. Although when I had a 9-5 I actually posted more than I do now.
I basically don't sleep.
Friends I write this missive finally having returned to my homeland after many difficult months. Whilst searching for myself in North Wales, I never did find myself, anyone who does please send me back by return post at freepost Pingl, a series of unfortunate events occurred. Whilst having a cup of tea in a particularly rough Buddhist teashop I made an off the cuff joke about the Dalai lama, a cucumber and West Ham Football club. Unfortunately for me I had incurred the wrath of the only radical insurgent Buddhist group in that religions long history. Al Siddhartha were hard line terrorists determined to force the population of a small part of a town in Wales to live on lentils, wear orange pyjamas and constantly burn incense. As you can imagine the population were incensed and simply chose to ignore them and occasionally shouting Oi baldy why you wearing a frock. They took me hostage and secretly smuggled me to their lair in Tibet. There I was tortured with Richard Gere videos and lentils done three ways for nine long months; The three ways were mashed, stewed and mashed and stewed with a sprig of parsley. I still wake up in a cold sweat having dreamed that Gere dressed as a sailor was force feeding me lentil stew whilst singing Leonard Cohen songs in a high pitched wheeze. Eventually I escaped, dressed in a giant hamster costume which I had fashioned from belly button fluff dyed orange. I managed to get a job aboard a Finish Herring boat. They at first informed me they didn't need a hamster, however quick as a flash I informed them I was in fact a man, sadly I couldn't unzip the costume due to the sea air having rusted the zip, and had to spend the first month as the ships pet. I no longer like peanuts and wheels make me feel very uneasy. When I eventually got out of the costume the Captain declared his undying love for me because I had a ladies hands, all soft and lily white. So it was we were married. Friends I cannot tell you the happiness of those few weeks when Sven and I floated on the cloud of marital bliss. It was not to last, whilst collecting provisions at a convenience store Sven got into to an argument about how kippers are herrings without style, 7/11 as the following massacre became known to all Finish fishermen and Hungarians ended in dear Sven having a massive panic attack. His pet Herring Hilda was accidentally eaten by a vegan who took advantage of the distraction to succumb to sushi. Sven's heart gave out and we buried him at sea in a giant herring tin. The giant key was a bugger to turn, it took us three days to unroll it and it was hell to get back after, it cut two of the crews heads off. After many long days of sea travel I finally found my way home, I had forgot to cancel the milk and my house was now a giant yoghurt pot which I am slowly eating until I can again return to paid work. I have missed you all.
Quote: zooo @ 18th July 2014, 10:16 PM BSTI work from home. Although when I had a 9-5 I actually posted more than I do now.
I basically don't sleep.
Oh that's not healthy mate
Need yer 8 hrs a night
Pingl! 
That is all very well, but it is no excuse for not posting.
Quote: Pingl @ 18th July 2014, 10:24 PM BSTFriends I write this missive finally having returned to my homeland after many difficult months. Whilst searching for myself in North Wales, I never did find myself, anyone who does please send me back by return post at freepost Pingl, a series of unfortunate events occurred. Whilst having a cup of tea in a particularly rough Buddhist teashop I made an off the cuff joke about the Dalai lama, a cucumber and West Ham Football club. Unfortunately for me I had incurred the wrath of the only radical insurgent Buddhist group in that religions long history. Al Siddhartha were hard line terrorists determined to force the population of a small part of a town in Wales to live on lentils, wear orange pyjamas and constantly burn incense. As you can imagine the population were incensed and simply chose to ignore them and occasionally shouting Oi baldy why you wearing a frock. They took me hostage and secretly smuggled me to their lair in Tibet. There I was tortured with Richard Gere videos and lentils done three ways for nine long months; The three ways were mashed, stewed and mashed and stewed with a sprig of parsley. I still wake up in a cold sweat having dreamed that Gere dressed as a sailor was force feeding me lentil stew whilst singing Leonard Cohen songs in a high pitched wheeze. Eventually I escaped, dressed in a giant hamster costume which I had fashioned from belly button fluff dyed orange. I managed to get a job aboard a Finish Herring boat. They at first informed me they didn't need a hamster, however quick as a flash I informed them I was in fact a man, sadly I couldn't unzip the costume due to the sea air having rusted the zip, and had to spend the first month as the ships pet. I no longer like peanuts and wheels make me feel very uneasy. When I eventually got out of the costume the Captain declared his undying love for me because I had a ladies hands, all soft and lily white. So it was we were married. Friends I cannot tell you the happiness of those few weeks when Sven and I floated on the cloud of marital bliss. It was not to last, whilst collecting provisions at a convenience store Sven got into to an argument about how kippers are herrings without style, 7/11 as the following massacre became known to all Finish fishermen and Hungarians ended in dear Sven having a massive panic attack. His pet Herring Hilda was accidentally eaten by a vegan who took advantage of the distraction to succumb to sushi. Sven's heart gave out and we buried him at sea in a giant herring tin. The giant key was a bugger to turn, it took us three days to unroll it and it was hell to get back after, it cut two of the crews heads off. After many long days of sea travel I finally found my way home, I had forgot to cancel the milk and my house was now a giant yoghurt pot which I am slowly eating until I can again return to paid work. I have missed you all.
Now that's what I call returning in style. 
And a lovely bit of writing.
Wb, buddy. 
Quote: zooo @ 18th July 2014, 9:30 PM BSTEverything Marc says sounds absolutely filthy.
Quote: zooo @ 18th July 2014, 10:16 PM BSTI work from home. Although when I had a 9-5 I actually posted more than I do now.
I basically don't sleep.
A fellow freelancer? Is it the dinosaur thing?