Status report Page 5,292

Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 12:31 PM BST

Suddenly I appreciate being self-employed a lot more.

Have escaped the insects and incests of Norwich, only for my lovely clerks to send me an afternoon hearing in Ipswich: 'Miss, I really need you to go. I know Ipswich is on the other side of the country, but please try and get there.'

I might buy them a map for Christmas.

View original

I guess I shouldn't complain to much. I'm required to have cpr/firt aid up to date for my job, but the company I work for basically organise it and pay me to do it.

Are you in charge of the clerks?

Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 12:31 PM BST

Suddenly I appreciate being self-employed a lot more.

Have escaped the insects and incests of Norwich, only for my lovely clerks to send me an afternoon hearing in Ipswich: 'Miss, I really need you to go. I know Ipswich is on the other side of the country, but please try and get there.'

I might buy them a map for Christmas.

View original

10 cases in a morning?

Is justice really that swift?

Ipswich is the other side of the country! It's Suffolk for goodness sake! Not Essex at least I suppose.

Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 12:31 PM BST

, only for my lovely clerks'

View original

You could buy them this

Quote: sootyj @ September 18 2013, 11:29 AM BST

Ben are you in some secret contest none of us know about for most gnomic BCG poster?

View original

I'm just telling it like it is, man! And, yes, Modern Life is Rubbish is a fantastic album.

At 3 o'clock today, exactly 14 years after our wedding service began, I took off my wedding ring.

The future starts now.

Quote: sootyj @ September 18 2013, 10:13 AM BST

WILL CAM IS SITTING IN T'PARLOUR HE IS COVERED IN DIRT AND HAS AN ESPECIALLY BIG PILE ON TOP OF HIS FLAT CAP.

OOV (MRS OUR WILL CAM)
Ow's the new day in yon new job down t'BBC shite comedy mine?

OUR WILL CAM
Bloody awful, I gave it up.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Our Will Cam you bloody disgrace! There's only 2 jobs going in the whole bloody North East. One's being Peter Kay, the other's polishing his arse at the BBC.

OUR WILL CAM
My dad was a shiftless, idle northerner, my granddad was a shiftless idle northerner, and my great, great grandad used to wank off t'pit pony whilst Queen Victoria watched. We don't talk about him much.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
But what was so terrible about it?

OUR WILL CAM
You know I said it were dead men's shoes job.

MRS OUR WILL CAM
Yes

OUR WILL CAM
It literally were, they buried me alive on first day. I just ruddy dug my way out. Good thing Sootyj my faithful whippet took my place.

OOV A MUFFLED SOOTYJ BARKS
Turned out shite again!

View original

Quote: Tuumble @ September 18 2013, 3:24 PM BST

At 3 o'clock today, exactly 14 years after our wedding service began, I took off my wedding ring.

The future starts now.

View original

Best of luck Tuumble, I hope happiness is just around the corner.

Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 12:31 PM BST

'Miss, I really need you to go. I know Ipswich is on the other side of the country, but please try and get there.'

View original

Quote: billwill @ September 18 2013, 2:24 PM BST

10 cases in a morning?

Is justice really that swift?

View original

It's all the same person, Siamese twins that have been inteferring with themselves and selling the videos online.

Quote: Ben @ September 18 2013, 3:04 PM BST

I'm just telling it like it is, man! And, yes, Modern Life is Rubbish is a fantastic album.

View original

I played my CD of that till it melted.

You just always the what of your doings, but never the whys.

Quote: Tuumble @ September 18 2013, 3:24 PM BST

At 3 o'clock today, exactly 14 years after our wedding service began, I took off my wedding ring.

The future starts now.

View original

Fuumbling towards the light

BCG's star of it's ongoing soap finally gets the courage to chat up the lady from Stagecoach. Unfortunately he mistook the Stagecoach office for the North Korean embassy. And his crude flirting is mistaken for offering to sell North Korea several atomic bombs. Leading to the hapless Tuumble not getting to first base and infact being forced to share a sell with Rolf Harris in Guantanomo Bay, leading to Rolf's suicide. After Tuumble says to him on his first night,
"yes I can see what it is, it's a drawing of you bumming a kangaroo"

Quote: sootyj @ September 18 2013, 3:47 PM BST

Fuumbling towards the light

BCG's star of it's ongoing soap finally gets the courage to chat up the lady from Stagecoach. Unfortunately he mistook the Stagecoach office for the North Korean embassy. And his crude flirting is mistaken for offering to sell North Korea several atomic bombs. Leading to the hapless Tuumble not getting to first base and infact being forced to share a sell with Rolf Harris in Guantanomo Bay, leading to Rolf's suicide. After Tuumble says to him on his first night,
"yes I can see what it is, it's a drawing of you bumming a kangaroo"

View original

Your head. Just what goes on in there?

BBC basic I think

Ben is procrastinating about working on his Open Uni assessment. He might go make a drink.

Quote: reds @ September 18 2013, 12:20 PM BST

Had to do mine earlier this year. They made us wave our arms around the general area of the "body" to clear the area. I ended up been the last out of everyone to finish so felt picked on. Apparently I wasn't waving my arms about enough.

View original

I was alright on clearing everybody because we just had to say, "Now I'd clear everybody." What got me was the choking bit. It's to dangerous to practice on a non-choking person, so we had to hug an armless and legless dummy and then perform the heimlich manouvre on it. Strenuous and silly to look at.

Ben is off for a curry tonight. Already had a Domino's pizza this week. Gonna be a fat one.