*Takes a couple more out then flings the remainder of pack in Rob H's direction*
Status report Page 5,257
The school holidays are coming to a close and I have to say it's been one of the most intense and emotionally challenging periods of time I've ever had to deal with. I can't even begin to tell you what's happened and the information I've had to process mentally but suffice to say that my marriage is over without question and a new chapter is about to begin.
I personally think I have a lot to feel bitter about but I also appreciate that I've made a number of errors and misjudgements along the way as well. Trouble is is that it only seems to be me who is prepared to hold up their hands and say so. There are more than half a dozen people who I believe have behaved appallingly recently, not just to me but to my wife as well. Putting that into context I'm on my wife's side in this and yet it us who are in the process of a rather uneasy break up. It's hard to understand how certain people, family members included, can be so insensitive.
For my part I can only really be blamed for being a lousy communicator who cares too much - it's simply not in my make up to hurt people deliberately. It's more about my fear of making the wrong decision or not dealing with situations properly because I don't understand them that's the issue here. Unfortunately this is perceived as me hiding things or being unreasonable or unapproachable. In reality I am shouldering a huge burden because I don't want to see those close to me upset. By doing this it seems that all I do is hurt people to the point that I have become castigated and an outcast.
As I read this back I understand less and less why I am writing this post. There's just so much information I'm not prepared to disclose to enable you to make any sense of this so I probably shouldn't have bothered. All I will say is that two people in particular must say sorry for two separate things they've done before I can truly accept it all but past experience suggests that's a forlorn hope. They 'understand I'm upset' but stop short of apologising and it's that which really hurts me.
Take some responsibility godammit! 
Anyway, the whole thing rather reminds me of that scene in Fawlty Towers (Waldorf Salad)...
Mr. Arrad: Oh, excuse me.
Basil: Yes?
Mr. Arrad: We've been waiting for about half an hour now. I mean, I gave the waiter our order...
Basil: Oh, him. He's hopeless, isn't he?
Mr. Arrad: I don't wish to complain, but when he does bring something, he's got it wrong.
Basil: You think I don't know? You only have to eat here. We have to live with it. I had to pay his fare all the way from Barcelona, but you can't get the staff, you see. It's a nightmare.
Mrs. Arrad: You were supposed to be complaining to him!
Need time to assimilate that Ode Pal.
In the meanwhile . . .
I'm so sorry, Tuumble. 
I know how hard it is when every man and his dog has a view on a relationship breakdown.
Forgive me if this sounds preachy and sanctimonious. The only part of a situation we can control is ourselves. Sometimes people are not able to accept their share of the responsibility. It may mean that your relationship with them cannot move forward, but please don't be eaten up with bitterness yourself.
A good friend of mine suffered hideous abuse as a child. Her step-father is now serving 17 life sentences for what happened.(1 more than Harold Shipman and he didn't even kill anyone. Quite a feat).
She has taught me a great deal about forgiveness over the years. It's not about excusing what has happened, it is about letting go of the hold of bitterness that person has over you. I hope you are able to do that at some stage - for yourself.
I hope you and your wife find the peace and happiness you deserve.
In the meantime, please keep yourself mentally and physically healthy. Everything in moderation x
Sorry to hear this Tuumble, I can't imagine how you must feel. Keep your chin up, we're all here for you.
I can't offer any wise words, so I'll just stick to emoticons.
Thanks everyone. I'm not on here much lately and when I am it's to whinge so I appreciate your understanding.
I know it will take time to get through this and while I was prepared for us to take things slowly in terms of the formal separation it now can't come soon enough. I'm even prepared to forgo a situation where the children stayed living with me because I thought that will cause the least upheaval - I pay all the bills anyway. However, the idea of me moving out and when none of this was my decision doesn't seem fair. Therefore if they are to stay with their mum I would much prefer us all to move out and start afresh without the break up cloud hanging over us. Time will tell if this financially practical or not.
Ben is sitting about waiting to get on with his day. It's his fault for getting up too early.
Wasn't that the them music to Dawson's Creek?
Tuumble ... 
All I can say is that time will pass and a lot of this will be behind you. As to other people poking their noses in - sometimes I've found the only way to deal with this is to cut them out of your life - no arguments, name calling or anything, just cease dealing with them if possible (and I know it might not be). I had to decide to do that 6 years ago with what was supposed to be my best friend (from age 8). What was happening was just too upsetting and I thought 'I can do without this, totally', and I have. Only a great sadness that it had to happen.
Too be honest get on with your life, sounds like youi have a sopund relationship with your kids.
And they're old enough to be cool about a split relationship with mum and dad. And like most things in life you'll look back later and laugh.
By the way is this subject too serious for me to write an insulting little vingette about your life?
Sorry for being not on recently guys. My Brother passed away in a car accident.
Quote: Tuumble @ September 2 2013, 12:09 AM BSTThe school holidays are coming to a close and I have to say it's been one of the most intense and emotionally challenging periods of time I've ever had to deal with. I can't even begin to tell you what's happened and the information I've had to process mentally but suffice to say that my marriage is over without question and a new chapter is about to begin.
I personally think I have a lot to feel bitter about but I also appreciate that I've made a number of errors and misjudgements along the way as well. Trouble is is that it only seems to be me who is prepared to hold up their hands and say so. There are more than half a dozen people who I believe have behaved appallingly recently, not just to me but to my wife as well. Putting that into context I'm on my wife's side in this and yet it us who are in the process of a rather uneasy break up. It's hard to understand how certain people, family members included, can be so insensitive.
For my part I can only really be blamed for being a lousy communicator who cares too much - it's simply not in my make up to hurt people deliberately. It's more about my fear of making the wrong decision or not dealing with situations properly because I don't understand them that's the issue here. Unfortunately this is perceived as me hiding things or being unreasonable or unapproachable. In reality I am shouldering a huge burden because I don't want to see those close to me upset. By doing this it seems that all I do is hurt people to the point that I have become castigated and an outcast.
As I read this back I understand less and less why I am writing this post. There's just so much information I'm not prepared to disclose to enable you to make any sense of this so I probably shouldn't have bothered. All I will say is that two people in particular must say sorry for two separate things they've done before I can truly accept it all but past experience suggests that's a forlorn hope. They 'understand I'm upset' but stop short of apologising and it's that which really hurts me.
Take some responsibility godammit!
Anyway, the whole thing rather reminds me of that scene in Fawlty Towers (Waldorf Salad)...
Mr. Arrad: Oh, excuse me.
Basil: Yes?
Mr. Arrad: We've been waiting for about half an hour now. I mean, I gave the waiter our order...
Basil: Oh, him. He's hopeless, isn't he?
Mr. Arrad: I don't wish to complain, but when he does bring something, he's got it wrong.
Basil: You think I don't know? You only have to eat here. We have to live with it. I had to pay his fare all the way from Barcelona, but you can't get the staff, you see. It's a nightmare.
Mrs. Arrad: You were supposed to be complaining to him!
*Hugs*
You'll be okay, you're a good bloke with lots going for you. All lives have phases where you need to take a deep breath more often than seems reasonable, it'll pass
Quote: David Smith @ September 2 2013, 10:59 AM BSTSorry for being not on recently guys. My Brother passed away in a car accident.
God, I'm so sorry David.
I'm so sorry to hear that David. There's no words that I can say that will make such a difficult time any easier but I would like to think that I speak for everyone on here in saying that you have our sympathies. My condolences to you and your family.