British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 3,863

Quote: Matthew Stott @ July 3 2011, 12:11 AM BST

If you're bombing, just remember the phrase 'What Would Bussell Do?' Then do the opposite.

But you told me you love that impression I do - the one of a stand up comedian with absolutely zero charisma.

Will Cam is on holiday in 6 weeks time.
Will Cam is very busy at work and wants to go on holiday relaxed.
Will Cam went into work yesterday (Sunday) in order to give himself a good head-start to the week.
Will Cam lives about 11 miles from work.
Will Cam got to work today at 8am having taken Mrs Will Cam's car as it is more economical than his (she works 1 mile from home).
Will Cam took a call from Mrs Will Cam 8.30am. She couldn't turn the key in Will Cam's car and was panicking as she was going to be late for work
Will Cam's car is an automatic. Mrs Will Cam was talked through checking the car was in park, foot on brake etc. to no avail.
Will Cam had to drive to Mrs Will Cam's work (she had walked) with his number 2 to collect the car keys.
Will Cam opines that the steering lock must be faulty.
Will Cam looks blank as Mrs Will Cam asks what a steering lock is.
Will Cam drives home, puts key in ignition, turns steering wheel which releases steering lock.
Will Cam takes car to Mrs Will Cam's work while his number 2 drives his car.
Will Cam hands keys to Mrs Will Cam maintaining his dignity.
Will Cam drives back to work an hour and a half behind schedule, as is his number 2.
Will Cam would welcome suggestions as to the moral of the story....................

Quote: Will Cam @ July 4 2011, 10:56 AM BST

Will Cam would welcome suggestions as to the moral of the story....................

Get a new Mrs Will Cam.

My main question Will is why do you carry your poohs around with you?

And are they in some sort of tupperware container?

Quote: bigfella @ July 4 2011, 7:32 AM BST

I placed my hands on the puppy dog last night and put her in her crate.

In the morning she was healed!

Yay!

Quote: chipolata @ July 4 2011, 11:07 AM BST

Get a new Mrs Will Cam.

Sound advice Chip

Quote: sootyj @ July 4 2011, 11:15 AM BST

My main question Will is why do you carry your poohs around with you?

And are they in some sort of tupperware container?

You never know when you might need a stool!

Has received two very weird phone calls today. They both had dialed the wrong number but had asked for people who share the same name as members of this household! Spooky Errr

Quote: Leevil @ July 4 2011, 1:14 PM BST

Has received two very weird phone calls today. They both had dialed the wrong number but had asked for people who share the same name as members of this household! Spooky Errr

Classic serial killer trick.

Some excitement at last!

Quote: Leevil @ July 4 2011, 1:35 PM BST

Some excitement at last!

Sounds like a mystery!! Lets go team!

I just got a phone call from a man calling me an "anti-semite c**t". Apparently my organisation has upset the Jewish community somehow so I'm expecting a few more calls of this nature.

Quote: David Bussell @ July 4 2011, 2:12 PM BST

I just got a phone call from a man calling me an "anti-semite c**t". Apparently my organisation has upset the Jewish community somehow so I'm expecting a few more calls of this nature.

Oh right. Thats a charming way to open a conversation.

Ellie misses having an easy job.

Aw. Ring Bussell and call him a c**t, it might cheer you up!

I do that anyway - every day at 4pm.

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