You'll feel a right plonker now if you get attacked by an alligator.
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Ben is wondering what happened to Matt Stott's blog.
Quote: zooo @ September 9 2010, 8:54 PM BSTYou'll feel a right plonker now if you get attacked by an alligator.
How to Survive a Crocodile Attack
Although it may be a rare occurrence, crocodiles have been known to attack and kill people.
Instructions.
1
Stay as calm as possible and try not to panic. It's important to keep a clear mind when facing a crisis situation.
2
Be prepared to escape. The crocodile may strike once then release, giving you a momentary opportunity for escape. Be ready to take advantage of that opportunity.
3
Respond to the attack with a counterattack of your own. Do not passively struggle to get away from your attacker, but rather, use force to beat off the croc.
4
Attack the crocodile's eyes, which are the most sensitive area on the animal. Use any available object to hit or poke at its eyes so that it will release you and skulk off.
5
Aim for the nose or ears if you can't get to the eyes. This may not be as effective as attacking the eyes, but it can still produce the desired result.
6
Blow a whistle if you have one on you. Crocodiles are sensitive to sound and will be repelled by the noise.
7
Roll in the same direction as the crocodile if it initiates its signature "death roll." Whatever part of your body is in the croc's mouth is almost certain to be torn off if you don't turn in the same direction as the croc when it starts rolling and thrashing.
8
Do whatever it takes to keep the crocodile on land and out of the water. Crocs feel much more at home in the water, and they usually drag their prey into the water for the kill.
Ben is off to iron his shirt for the Missing Scene screening tomorrow.
Quote: zooo @ September 9 2010, 8:54 PM BSTYou'll feel a right plonker now if you get attacked by an alligator.
That I will.
Quote: bigfella @ September 9 2010, 8:53 PM BSTIs this a book?
Nah. Why would I buy a book on this. I live in Berkhamsted Herts lol.
Quote: Ben @ September 9 2010, 8:57 PM BSTBen is off to iron his shirt for the Missing Scene screening tomorrow.
oooooooooh. Good luck then. Can men Iron?
The above instructions hold true for alligators, too. I know this because I grew up surrounded by the scaly bastards and have confronted them numerous times. Sometimes they chased me up a tree, sometimes I chased them back into the water and sometimes they ended up in my stomach.
Oh that sounds a bit tough.
Quote: DaButt @ September 9 2010, 9:01 PM BSTThe above instructions hold true for alligators, too. I know this because I grew up surrounded by the scaly bastards and have confronted them numerous times. Sometimes they chased me up a tree, sometimes I chased them back into the water and sometimes they ended up in my stomach.
Bullies eh!
Quote: DaButt @ September 9 2010, 9:01 PM BSTSometimes they chased me up a tree, sometimes I chased them back into the water and sometimes they ended up in my stomach.
There's a definite pattern forming here.
I need a more Berko how too. Any tips on How to survive a pensioner waving a stick at you?
A few miles in the other direction would be How to survive a knife attack"
That kind of stuff would be better for me to be honest.
Quote: billwill @ September 9 2010, 9:17 PM BSTIt doesn't seem to be there anymore !!
Is for me, Bill.
Quote: Charley @ September 9 2010, 8:56 PM BSTHow to Survive a Crocodile Attack
Although it may be a rare occurrence, crocodiles have been known to attack and kill people.
Instructions.
1
Stay as calm as possible and try not to panic. It's important to keep a clear mind when facing a crisis situation.2
Be prepared to escape. The crocodile may strike once then release, giving you a momentary opportunity for escape. Be ready to take advantage of that opportunity.3
Respond to the attack with a counterattack of your own. Do not passively struggle to get away from your attacker, but rather, use force to beat off the croc.4
Attack the crocodile's eyes, which are the most sensitive area on the animal. Use any available object to hit or poke at its eyes so that it will release you and skulk off.5
Aim for the nose or ears if you can't get to the eyes. This may not be as effective as attacking the eyes, but it can still produce the desired result.6
Blow a whistle if you have one on you. Crocodiles are sensitive to sound and will be repelled by the noise.7
Roll in the same direction as the crocodile if it initiates its signature "death roll." Whatever part of your body is in the croc's mouth is almost certain to be torn off if you don't turn in the same direction as the croc when it starts rolling and thrashing.8
Do whatever it takes to keep the crocodile on land and out of the water. Crocs feel much more at home in the water, and they usually drag their prey into the water for the kill.
They sound like the very instructions my wife to be gave me before I met her mother 
Ala my old sketch
1 Always have a telescope and a cocktail stick on your person.
2 On sighting the crocodile. View it imediately through the wrong end of your telescope.
3 Cry "Aha a gerkin!"
4 Spear said gerkin with cocktail stick.
5 Eat the gerkin.