SC1. EXT- PIRATE SHIP-DAY
GENERAL SCENES OF SAILORING GOING ON. CAPTAIN CHANCER STANDS ON THE BRIDGE SURVEYING THE SCENE.
SUDDENLY A SAILOR IS BROUGHT OUT RATHER ROUGHLY. HE'S STRUGGLING BETWEEN TWO OTHER SHIPMATES.
CHANCER:
Lash that scurvy dawg to the mast lads!
SALIOR:
Not another flogging Cap’n? Surely not?
CHANCER:
Oh arr! Oh yes me proud beauty! Ye’re gonna feel the cat. Oh arr! Oh yes!
SAILOR:
That’s just bloody typical of you isn’t it? Handing out the cat every time a body transgresses. Give 'im nine lashes says 'ee! Well I hope you realise that it’s just mindless brutality and that it won’t change me a jot!
CHANCER:
Fair enough but it’s just such fun giving the orders. It’s all I ever wanted to do since I was a mere boy.
SAILOR:
Why doesn’t that surprise me?
A BUCKET OF WATER IS THROWN ACCROSS THE SCENE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA. CHEAPO EFFECT STYLE.
SAILOR (CONT'D)
You know Cap’n Chancer? I think your power and blood lust is brought on due to the fact that you need to consolidate all your outgoing monthly outgoings into one single affordable loan. Would you like to hear more about how doing just that has changed my life? I promise, it's at no obligation to you whatsoever at this stage.
CHANCER:
Untie that man and bring him to my quarters men!
CUT TO:
SC2. INT – CAPTAIN CHANCER’S QUARTERS-DAY
SAILOR:
So ‘ee see Cap’n? That’s ‘ee all signed up to Long John’s Loans.
CHANCER:
That’s a lot of my mind I can tell you. A pinch of snuff and a weevil-infested ship's biscuit old chap?
SAILOR:
Don't mind if I do. A ha ha ha!
CHANCER:
A ha ha ha!
VOICE OVER:
Long John’s Loans are not suitable for everyone (PAUSE) Come to think of it they’re probably the worst value for money that you’ll ever encounter in the shark infested waters of personal finance.
I’m amazed that the FSA allows these shysters to continue trading
END:
