A YOUNG MARRIED COUPLE (MR AND MRS PUGH) ARE MAKING A MORTGAGE APPLICATION.
BANK MANAGER:
Well, Mr and Mrs Pugh, we've considered your application very carefully, but in the current climate we believe it to be too much of a risk.
MR PUGH:
But we're desperate. Food and shelter, they're basic human requirements. We need to live.
BANK MANAGER:
The fact remains, without sufficient collateral, we cannot give you this mortgage.
MR PUGH:
Have my wife.
MRS PUGH:
What?
MR PUGH:
My wife. You can have her if we default.
MRS PUGH:
Andrew!
BANK MANAGER:
Look, Mr Pugh, you cannot use your wife to cover your loan.
MR PUGH:
Are you sure? She's a right goer. Shags like Jodie Marsh if you press the right buttons.
BANK MANAGER:
Mr Pugh! That is not acceptable. In any case, I happen to be gay.
MR PUGH:
Errrrm, all right then. I'll give you a kiss. No tongues.
BANK MANAGER:
Mr Pugh!
MR PUGH:
OK, tongues. And a blow job.
BANK MANAGER:
Mr Pugh! Our decision is final.
MRS PUGH STARTS CRYING.
MR PUGH:
It's all right, my love.
MRS PUGH:
We only wanted to buy a loaf of bread.
END.