FREUD THE GANGSTA
Interviewer : "In what is being called 'Final Societal Breakdown' or F.
S.B. by social commentators, violent teenage gang members throughout
Britain are beginning to demand expensive Psychoanalysis from top
shrinks, sometimes even making their demands at gunpoint. We have in
our studio two people very much in the forefront of the debate.
Jennifer Wright is head of the South London Psychotherapy Group. She
has practised as a Psychiatrist for over 15 years. Gary Marsh is the
ex- leader of the notorious Inter City Firm a gang that has terrorised
football stadiums up and down the country since the 1970's. Miss
Wright"
Jennifer : "Mrs Wright. I am married to a Black man"
Interviewer : "Sorry Mrs Wright how bad has this situation got ?"
Jennifer : "Psychoanalysis has taken over from Nike products and
mobile phones as the new street cred currency. Strict Freudian analysis
by a world renowned psychiatrist can rocket a new gang member to almost
iconic status within just 6 months. The problem is most gang members
cannot afford the ludicriously high prices these doctors charge, so
many have resorted to the use of guns to get what they want."
Interviewer ; " And people are actually beginning to get attacked ?"
Jennifer : "Oh yes it is true, such attacks are now common place. Only
last month a gang of three hoodied teenagers burst into my office ,
tied my hands behind my back, and demanded 50 minutes of strict Jungian
Psychotherapy each .It is difficult to encourage a client to explore
lost or undeveloped part's of his psyche , when a fellow gang member is
holding a gun to your head .I believed that one particular young man
was fixated in the Anal stage but was too afraid to tell him in case
his friend shot me"
Interviewer: "Quite. Gary this really seems to have become a problem.
Have you any explanation for this new kind of gang violence ?"
Gary : "I dunno. Nike, Rolex, Gold all that stuff it's out now man. If
you can talk about how your mother's badness led you to being a violent
psychopath you will gain more street cred nowadays. When I described to
other members of the gang how dream analysis had helped me overcome my
fear of Mexicans, I shot up the rankings. It's just what the bro's are
into. But we aint got the money to go into long term Psychoanalysis so
we just gotta take it"
Interviewer : "But there have been reports of psychologists and
psychiatrists actually getting shot in certain parts of the South
East."
Gary : "Sure, when I was in the Firm we broke into this private
therapy centre in Harley Street".
Interviewer : "And what happenned"
Gary : "I was getting to that"
Interviewer :"I'm so sorry."
Gary : "Well we got this guy to start giving psychoanalysis to my mate
Vinny. We made it clear we wanted strict Kleinian therapy. Melanie
Klein was this Ho who invented object relations theory. It's all about
emotional deprivation in childhood and shit. It would have suited my
mate good you know what I mean. Anyway this muppet starts going on
about how Vinny should start punishing some behaviours that he does and
start rewarding others. Anyone could tell this was basic Classical
conditioning. What did he take us for a bunch of mugs".
Interviewer : "So what did you do ?"
Gary :"We shot the bastard"
Short shocked pause
Jennifer : "Can I just say must first husband was also black"
Interviewer : "Well thank you both. This is certainly a problem that
will not disappear overnight".
Jennifer : "I have a dog called Pavlov. Come to think of it that's black as
well"
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