God of DIY

Reedit original at the bottom.

MAN IN A DIY STORE BUMPS INTO GOD.

MAN

Excuse do you mine, but are you erm you know.

GOD

Yes it's me God, in a DIY store.

MAN

Oh are you (sniggers) working on a far less ambitious project?

GOD

Yes as a matter of I am. Oh you were making a fatuos joke I get that all the time create the universe and people take the piss when you want to do some decking.

MAN

Oh right and keep that Jesus out of the carpentry supplies. He'll only get hammered and then the police will nail him.

GOD

You're joking about my sons' murder.

MAN

Well you resurrected him.

GOD

That's scarcely the point. Hey want to see something funny? Watch this, oi Noah!

NOAH WHO IS IN THE NEXT AISLE LOOKS ROUND IN TERROR.

GOD

Build me a giant outdoor shitter, a 1000 cubits by a 1000 cubits. And fill it with 2 of every animal. For I will smite the earth with a terrible flood of diarea in one week.

NOAH

Your word is my command oh Lord, but I could I not finish my out door BBQ first?

GOD

No out door BBQs are an abomination!

MAN

(laughing) Oh God you are a devil, winding up the poor old git.

GOD

I never joke.

MAN EXPLODES IN A SHOWER OF EXCREMENT.

NOAH IS COVERED

NOAH

Fine I get the point I'll get started.

KHALI WALKS PAST PUSHING A TROLLEY WITH 4 STRIMMERS IN IT.

GOD

Oi Khali can you really trim the bushes in the Garden of Eden four times as fast?

Liked the beginning and the dialogue, though 'fraid I hadn't even heard of that film. Also, the Man says "oh G-d you are a devil" which isn't consistent with the film title

Thanks a few silly ideas I had banging around my head.

Meanders a bit. But some good ideas. Refine this and it could be a good sketch (I've not heard of the film either).

"MAN IN A DIY STORE BUMPS INTO GOD" must be the best scene setter in history.

It's an extension of a very, very old joke/piece of graffiti.

But glad you liked it.

Thanks.

As a 4x2 I'll lose the Jesus bits.

Yeah, I'd take out the Jesus bits and see where it goes. God/Jesus gags = very over used. God/Noah less so.

Original

MAN IN A DIY STORE BUMPS INTO GOD.

MAN

Excuse do you mine, but are you erm you know.

GOD

Yes it's me God, in a DIY store.

MAN

Oh are you (sniggers) working on a far less ambitious project?

GOD

Yes as a matter of I am, oh you were making a fatuos joke I ought to smite you.

JESUS WALKS ON

JESUS

Hey dad, I got you the nails.

MAN

That was quick, didn't you hang around for a week last time he sent you for some nails?

GOD

You really are an arse aren't you?

JESUS

I can't believe I died for your sins, we're just having some father and son time
and you're just making stupid, offensive jokes.

MAN

Sorry, what are you working on? A new Earth, after us humans ruined your old one.

GOD

Why do you humans always think that? You did a great job. Besides we're just doing some decking

MAN

What?

JESUS

Dad's hated Dodos, Quaggas and Aborigines and you ate all the little sods.

GOD

Like using nematodes to eat slugs.

GOD

Hey want to see something funny? Watch this, oi Noah!

NOAH WHO IS IN THE NEXT AISLE LOOKS ROUND IN TERROR.

GOD

Build me a giant outdoor shitter, a 1000 cubits by a 1000 cubits. And fill it with 2 of every animal. For I will smite the earth with a terrible flood of diarea in one week.

NOAH

Your word is my command oh Lord, but I could I not finish my out door BBQ first?

GOD

No out door BBQs are an abomination!

MAN

(laughing) Oh God you are a devil, winding up the poor old git.

GOD

I never joke.

MAN EXPLODES IN A SHOWER OF EXCREMENT.

NOAH IS COVERED

NOAH

Fine I get the point I'll get started.

JESUS

He deserved that, Oh God you Devil is a rubbish film.