British Comedy Guide

Udders

JORDAN AND KERRY KATONA ARE ON THE STAGE.

JORDAN

So you seeing your agent as well Kerry?

KERRY

Yeh, bet it'll be something dead posh like Farm Foods, Aldi or maybe even the big one, ASDA chav value.

JORDAN

Yeh Kerry, people look at you and they know you really eat turkey twizzlers. Possibly still in the packet washed down with Mazola.

KERRY

You cheaky mare, what's your next show? Celebrity herpes island?

AGENT WALKS ON.

AGENT

Ladies, ladies settle I found a job that uses all your natural talents and intellect.

KERRY

GMTV?

JORDAN

Newsnight?

AGENT

Nope, farmer Piles is starting a breast milk farm.

FARMER PILES WALKS ON.

FARMER

Get them udders out me lovelies, it's milking time.

JORDAN

Could be worse.

KERRY

At least it's not Piers Morgan.

Kerry's milk would taste like Sunny D.

It'd be cruel to use Jordan's what would poor Peter Andre live on?

What do you call a Samurai who shops at Iceland?
Kerry KATANA!

And that... is my critique for today.

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