ALISTAIR DARLING HAS BEEN SUMMONED BY GORDON BROWN.
BROWN
Darling, I told you we need more money to bail out Bradford & Bingley. What have you come up with?
DARLING
I've been working on it all night, PM.
HE HANDS BROWN A CRUMPLED PIECE OF PAPER FROM HIS BACK POCKET.
BROWN
(READING) A jumble sale?
DARLING
Or a car boot sale.
BROWN
We haven't got anything to sell, Darling.
DARLING
There's all those General Election 2007 mugs you had made... Bit of felt tip... we could make the 7 into a 9.
BROWN
(READING) A sponsored walk?
DARLING
Land's End to John O'Groats... BUT the Great British Public pay us to keep AWAY from their towns. Turn our weakness into a strength.
BROWN
Darling, this is pathetic. The entire Treasury at your disposal and you come up with this... rubbish.
DARLING
There's more on the back.
BROWN TURNS OVER THE PAGE.
BROWN
(READING) Pimp the Cabinet? What? I don't see how bling-bling's going to help.
DARLING
No. Really pimp the Cabinet. We're all going down to Kings Cross in a mini-bus tonight.
BROWN
Well thank f**k Ruth Kelly's gone. Talk about rough trade.
END
