British Comedy Guide

Another Silent sketch

Tried my hand at a silent sketch:

INT. TRAIN STATION - DAY

A MAN IS ON THE NEAR-DESERTED (OLD-FASHIONED OUTDOORSY-COUNTRY) PLATFORM, LOOKING AGITATED, KEEPS LOOKING AT HIS WATCH. HE HOLDS IT TO HIS EAR, LOOKS AGAIN, SHAKES HIS ARM VIOLENTLY, THEN LOOKS AGAIN - A CLOSE-UP SHOWS IT HAS STOPPED TICKING.

HE THEN LOOKS AT THE STATION CLOCK, BUT AN OVERHANGING TREE BRANCH'S GREENERY IS OBSCURING THE CLOCK FACE.

THE MAN, CLEARLY FRUSTRATED, JUMPS UP TO TRY AND MOVE THE BRANCH, BUT IT'S TOO HIGH. HE THROWS HIS BRIEFCASE UP, BUT IT JUST REBOUNDS OFF THE BRANCH AND CRASHES TO THE FLOOR BELOW, WHERE IT OPENS AND SPILLS ITS CONTENTS ONTO THE PLATFORM.

THE MAN KICKS THE CASE IN ANGER, THEN COCKS HIS EAR, AND FRANTICALLY TRIES TO BUNDLE ALL THE PAPERS BACK IN.

THE TRAIN STOPS AT THE PLATFORM – THE MAN'S STILL SCRABBLING ON THE FLOOR, AND HE WAVES TO THE GUARD TO HOLD THE TRAIN. THE GUARD SHRUGS AND POINTS TO THE CLOCK. HE THEN POINTS TO THE SIDE OF THE TRAIN – THE CAMERA PANS OUT TO REVEAL A SLOGAN ON THE SIDE:

"ALWAYS LEAVES ON TIME"

Really like this one, despite the sinister implication that this fictional state is ruled by Mussolini.

Nice work Rob0.

Nice, and 'cocks his ear' is an exquisite phrase.

These silents are very good. I can see a radio series beckoning.

Thanks peeps. Was worried it was slightly contrived to get to the punchline.

Quote: SlagA @ September 28 2008, 7:27 PM BST

I can see a radio series beckoning.

Well, there's been the radio ventriloquist before.
How about a silent ventriloquist sketch?

Quote: SlagA @ September 28 2008, 7:27 PM BST

These silents are very good. I can see a radio series beckoning.

Andrew 'Manuel' Sachs wrote a radio play called 'The Revenge' in 1978 which had no dialogue but used sounds alone.

http://www.savoyhill.co.uk/technique/revenge.html

But silent comedy on radio, hmmm, I'll have to think about that. ;)

Not bad at all, but a purist silent sketch has no dialogue of any description.

You mean all the humour should be purely visual, rather than having essentially a spoken punchline replaced with text?

Yup.

But then I am an obsessive nut case.

Well, I'll put this down as a mongrel sketch, blurring the lines between genres.

Will no doubt try a more visual-themed one at some point. Apologies for offending your silent sensibilities.

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