POSTMAN PAT IS TALKING TO A PRODUCER.
PRODUCER
Pat we're getting behind the times, we need to catch up. We need you to become Postman Phat.
PAT
But I'm quite a normal build.
PRODUCER
No P H A T. And here's your new theme song.
HANDS PAT SOME NOTES, PAT MAN READS.
PAT
Postman Phat, Postman Phat, he'll cut you, you rasta clat.
Oh dear God, do I atleast get to keep Jess, my black and white cat.
PRODUCER
Sort of, kind of.
PAT
What do you mean.
PRODUCER
Meet Jesticles your mixed race, gay lover.
JESTICLES WALKS ON.
PAT
I won't put up with this I'm a beloved children's entertainer, not some bisexual, yardie terrorist!
PRODUCER
We'll replace you, you're not irreplacable Phat boy.
Send in Thomas the wank engine.
THOMAS ENTERS.
THOMAS
Thomas had gone right off the rails, and was pulling the Fat Controller's chain for heroin.
