1
BROWN IS TALKING TO DARLING.
BROWN
Well Darling that's another fine mess you've gotten the country into.
DARLING
I'm sorry Gordon, I just got over exited.
BROWN
Saying the credit crunch was like the war on terror.
DARLING
How was I to know George Bush watches the news.
BROWN
Now the Americans have bombed the Bank of England, invaded Jersey and hung Howard from the Halifax.
DARLING.
And we're in Guatanomo about to get water boarded, worse than a pesnioner with a compulsory meter. We're doomed!
BROWN
Oh well at least I won't have to worry about Dave Cameron's enormous majority coming up on me from behind.
CAMERON WALKS ON
Don't be so sure Gordy.
2
DAMIAN HURST IS ON THE PHONE.
DAMIAN
Hi can I speak to my agent, yes Damian Hurst, England's greatest Britpop artist.
PAUSE
Sigh I pickled a shark.
PAUSE
And a sheep
PAUSE
Yes that Damian Hurst, hi Flash Harry, you remember you visited yesterday. I don't know how to put this, but did you steal anything?
PAUSE
Well my luch for starters, a half eaten pork pie, and I had a stool sample I was going to send to the bowel clinic. And this is the biggy I was looking after the Mona Lisa for the Louvre.
PAUSE
Turn on the telly? Why? Oh alright.
TURNS ON TELLY
2 ART EXPERTS ARE TALKING.
ARTY1
I can't believe Damina Hurst is releasing even more valuable works of art.
Just look at processed pig seeks to escape pastry.
ARTY2
But this second piece is just shit.
ARTY1
It stinks, why would anyone jsut smear paint over a canvas, and paint something as dull as a smile.
ARTY1
Now this work in brown just reaks of genius.
ARTY2
Easily worth another 100 million pounds.