Good one Soots.
Racist chemist with a small penis sketch. Page 2
Thanks Charley!
Quote: sootyj @ September 22 2008, 4:25 PM BSTA BEAUTIFUL BLOND WOMAN, IN 1920s STYLE DRESS/HAIR etc IS TALKING TO A GRUMPY WHITE ENGLISH CHEMIST.
CHEMIST
I don't bloody care the average ENGLISH penis is 4 inches long, if your boyfriend wants bigger ones, he can sod off back to Africa.
WOMAN
He's not from Africa, he's from Skull Island you racist.
CHEMIST
I don't care if he's from the ruddy Isle of Mann, he's not even human!
WOMAN
I'm leaving I'll do you under the EU human rights act, come on Kong we'll get some johnnies at the Esso.
SHE WALKS OUTSIDE WE CAN SEE KING KONG WAITING FOR HER.
CHEMIST
Aye try the house of fun, it's quicker if you run.
WE HERE A LOUD STOMPING OUTSIDE.
CHEMIST
Oh Mr G I've got your johnnies, extra small, I know how poorly endowed you nips are.
CHEMIST IS ANNIHILATED BY A BLAST OF ATOMIC FIRE.
OUTSIDE WE SEE KONG MAKING SMALL COCK GESTURES AT GODZILLA.
GODZILLA SHOVES HIM INTO A SKY SCRAPER
CHAOS ENSUES
It's not bad but I had to reread it a few times to understand what it was you were driving at (and a producer is unlikely give you that latitude). Really the only way I can see you getting this beyond script stage is to present it as a comic strip. This one would work rather well I think. Something like this maybe?
PANEL 1
A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WOMAN IN 1920s STYLE DRESS IS TALKING TO A GRUMPY CHEMIST.
CHEMIST:
(HAUGHTY) I'm quite sure things are different in Africa but in ENGLAND the average penis is four inches long. If your boyfriend wants bigger he'll just have to go back to where he came from!
WOMAN:
We'll just go the Esso if you're going to be a racist!
PANEL 2
OUTSIDE WE SEE KING KONG WAITING FOR HER.
KONG:
No luck?
PANEL 3
BACK IN THE CHEMISTS. SUB: 'LATER'. THE CHEMIST IS NOW TALKING TO GODZILLA.
CHEMIST:
Hello, Mister G, I've got your "something for the weekend" just here. Extra small, wasn't it?
A COUPLE OF ATTRACTIVE YOUNG GIRLS ARE STOOD BEHIND GODZILLA IN THE QUEUE, TITTERING.
PANEL 4
THE CHEMIST IS ANNIHILATED BY A BLAST OF ATOMIC FIRE.