heres one i'm not sure about

Hmmmmm, what do you think?

EXT: A STREET CORNER, A POLICEMAN APROACHES A TEENAGE BOY WHO IS WEARING A HOODIE, AND LOOKING A LITTLE BIT SHIFTY.

POLIEMAN: excuse me son, i'm acting on a tip off i have recieved and i believe you have some illegal drugs on your person, do you?

BOY: well,,errr,you see,,,errrm, o.k yes but it's not mine, i swear they arn't mine

POLICEMAN: o.k son what are you carrying?

BOY: just a bit of weed and a tiny bit of heroin, but thats all, nothing else, o.k

POLICEMAN: brilliant, how much are you charging?

i know it's predictable, but what are your views and how could it be better?
thanks for any help.

Just a tip, I don't think you have to write the erms and hmmm's, something to do with the actor choosing to add them, I can't remember why, my brain hurts.

To be honest, it's not very clever. But I think you could turn it around into some sharp intelligent satire by changing the characters into some political reference.

cheers leevil, i don't normally write sketches, in fact this is only the second i have ever written, back to the stand up i feel

Yes, you're stand up, why have you posted some of your material? Is that wise?

a bit of info on this sketch it is/was in my routine (stand-up) but i tried it as a sketch, i did it before on here, and i got some useful tips,

I was talking about the stuff in your profile.

ow i get you know, i don't think it wasn't wise posting it, in fact i can't see many problems, if it gets nicked then there is plenty more where that came from, if people think it isn't very good well, it all proved popular stuff elsewhere, it's all stuff that is done and dusted now, just a figment of the past. Did you like the stuff in my profile?, i have another sketch lined up (also taken from my stand-up) but it needs some work yet.

Yeah it was pretty good, I was impressed. Got any recordings/footage of your stand up to show us?

I've been trying to write some stand up style jokes, just to stretch my writing muscle, only got two so far, I don't know if I'll ever have the nuts to perform them myself though. But it's hard to get that thing out of your head, that you might be copying someone else's joke, accidentally or sub/unconsciously.