POPE BENEDICT IS SITTING IN AN OFFICE, TIM AND JEN SIT OPPOSITE HIM ACROSS A TABLE, BEHIND THEM IN THE WALL IS A CAVE ENTRANCE.
POPE
So he decides what every world leader's nickname will be?
TIM
Yup his predecessor called Henry VIII a stain of fat and blood on the pages of English History.
JEN
And he called Richard III an infanticidist, would you like a cup of coffee?
POPE
No if it's all the same, what do you think he will call me?
TIM
Shame we have one of those fancy Klix machines, I think it's got a computer and freeze dried sachets you put in yourself.
JEN
And it's got 2 flavors of soup, capuccino, and hot chocolate with Mars or Malteser flavoring.
THERE IS A CLANG
TIM
He comes,
JEN
All hail the satirist.
OUT OF THE CAVE COMES A SQUAT HAIRY BLOKE SMOKING A FAG, HE'S WEARING RED DWARF PANTS AND A TSHIRT, HE HAS A CHIPPED RED DWARF MUG.
HE LOOKS THE POPE UP AND DOWN ONCE.
BLOKE
Wife beater.
HE GOES BACK IN HIS CAVE.
POPE
But that's ridiculos I'm celibate, I've never had sex, let alone been married. You can't do this to me I'm the Pope.
TIM
Never had sex, he must have a limp wicket. That would make any man violent.
JEN
And no ones ever seen his wife, poor girl must have a permanent black eye.
POPE
This is appaling I'm the spiritual head of over a billion Catholics, I don't have to put up with this.
HE STORMS OUT.
TIM
7,6,5,4,3,2,1
He's outside the school now.
OOV KIDS SING "Smack by Bitch Up," By the Prodigy.
JEN
So you know with Klix it's all just monosodium glutamate with hot water.