AN ORDINARY LOOKING OFFICE, WITH A CONFERENCE TABLE CHAIRS ETC.
ON ONE SIDE OF THE TABLE SITS TIM AND JEN, OPPOSITE SITS NICK CLEGG.
BEHIND TIM AND JEN THERE IS A CAVE LIKE HOLE IN THE WALL.
NICK
So he comes up with the nicknames for all the world leaders?
TIM
Yes, he called Thatcher the Iron Lady and Tony Blair "Phony Tony,"
NICK
Gosh I thought it was satire shows like that one with Rory Bremner, or maybe Question Time.
JEN
Nope just him, he decides. Would you like a glass of water, we've got one of those fancy nestle machines.
TIM
It chills and purifies it, like a magic evian machine. Doesn't make it fizzy though.
NICK
Look I've got a real vision for change, for this country, lower taxes....
THERE IS A LOUD CLANG.
JEN
He comes!
TIM
All hail the satirist.
A SQUAT BLOKE IN A GRUBBY TSHIRT COMES OUT OF THE CAVE. HE'S SMOKING A FAG AND HAS A CHIPPED MUG OF TEA. THE TSHIRT AND MUG BOTH HAVE UNFUNNY JOKES ABOUT COCKS ON THEM.
SQUAT BLOKE LOOKS NICK UP AND DOWN ONCE, THEN SPEAKS.
Puppy rapist.
HE RETURNS TO HIS CAVE.
JEN
Gosh you know Nick does have beady eyes,
TIM
Just like a puppy rapist would, and look his knees are worn.
JEN
From kneeling down to offer them rohypnol laced smackos.
NICK
This is ridiuclos I'm the head of the Liberal Democrats, I don't look like a, a puppy rapist. Just you wait till I'm Primeminister!
HE STORMS OUT.
TIM
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1/
JEN
He's outside and the schools coming out.
SOUND OF KIDS OUTSIDE
Puppy rapist, puppy rapist, how much is that dog in the window, the one with the waggly arse!
TIM
A fizzy water machine, that'd be something.
JEN
You should take it to Dragon's Den