EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE
Delivery man rings a doorbell. An old man answers.
OLD MAN:
Hello?
DELIVERY MAN:
Alright mate, got some weightlifting equipment for you. Sign here please.
OLD MAN FLEXES HIS ARM.
OLD MAN:
(PROUDLY) Feel this.
DELIVERY MAN:
No thanks.
OLD MAN:
Go on. Please.
Delivery man feels old man's bicep. Old man winces in pain.
DELIVERY MAN:
Great. Could you sign here please?
OLD MAN:
These weights'll get me back to my prime.
DELIVERY MAN:
Look, I'm in a hurry.
OLD MAN:
Won't bring me wife back though. We were married for 50 years. Bloody Shame.
DELIVERY MAN:
Sorry to hear, but could you just-
OLD MAN:
A lesbian!
DELIVERY MAN:
What?
OLD MAN:
Found photos of her lover.
DELIVERY MAN:
Really?
OLD MAN:
23 years old and legs up to her arse. How could I compete with that?
DELIVERY MAN:
Have you still got the photos?
OLD MAN:
Aye, but you don't wanna hear an old man going on.
DELIVERY MAN:
Can I see them?
OLD MAN:
I suppose you could come in and take a look. If you really wanted to.
DELIVERY MAN:
Sure.
OLD MAN:
And then we could have a cup of Earl Grey? And some hob nobs?
DELIVERY MAN:
Yeah. Whatever.
OLD MAN:
In you come then, lad.
Delivery man goes to enter, but an old woman appears at the door.
OLD WOMAN:
What's going on?
DELIVERY MAN:
Is this the lesbian?
Old woman looks at old man.
OLD WOMAN:
What have you been saying, you big tit?!
OLD MAN:
I was just making a friend.
OLD WOMAN:
GET IN!
Old man trudges back in.
DELIVERY MAN:
Can you sign for this?
Delivery man hands old woman a piece of paper. She looks at it.
OLD WOMAN:
That's next door!
Old woman slams the door shut. Delivery man shakes his head in disbelief and makes off. Old man appears at the window and mouths "I love you" after him.
ENDS
