Hi Ya all.
My man is doing a speech in under two weeks time as best man at his brothers wedding.
He is getting all stressed out & I think he might fall foul of an axe to the frontal lobe if he doesnt calm the f**k down.
Anyhoo he came up with this idea of finding some Dear Deidre letters from his brother. I have wrote a few for him to mess about with. Was wondering if
a) they are to silly
b) any of you guys have any ideas to add to them or something.
They are all true. His parents dont have any pics of him as a small child, he was called donkey at school, did try pumping iron & he bores everyone to death with his travel experiences.
My husband has asked if I put this up so I am doing it for him. I know that if used they need a lot of work.
Fankoo in advance.
Dear Diedre
Hello My name is Martin & I am 10 years old.
I am writing to you today because I have realised something rather disturbing.
My Mummy & Daddy have no photo's of me as a baby or a toddler.
There is loads of my brother. They are on the wall in big fancy frames & in hundreds of family albums, but not a one of me.
Is there any famous rich celebrities or footballers that may have accidently misplaced a baby between 1975 – 1980.
I think they may have left me outside Harrods in my designer pram & somehow I might of got myself a train to the Berkhamstead area.
Love Martin.
PS I have enclosed a photo of myself so you can match it up with celebrities, footballers etc.
Dear Martin
I have checked to see if any famous celebrities or footballers have ever misplaced a baby. I am sorry to inform you that they have not.
After pondering for a while over your photograph I have come to the conclusion that your parents have no pictures of you in big fancy rames on the wall, or in any family albums, because you are just really really ugly & they are embarrassed.
Warm Regards
Deidre.
Dear Diedre.
My name is Martin. I last wrote to you when I was 10 years old. You may remember me I sent you a photograph. Anyway I am now 14 & I have a whole new reason for advice.
Everyone at school has started to call me Donkey. I don't know why they are calling me this & I don't like it.
I done some research by typing "Why do my friends call me donkey" on the world wide web & some very rude pictures came up. If they are calling me donkey for this reason then I will be quite happy but just incase it might mean something else I am writing to you .
PS I go to Ashlyns school I do & I have enclosed an up to date picture of myself.
Dear Martin.
I popped to Ashlyns school on the way to getting Mr Deidre's dinner. I interviewed all one of your friends & all the other kids in your year. I have found out why they call you Donkey. Apparently when retreating or going forward at speed., you are all a higgledy piggledy with your arms & squiddly wiggledy with your legs. I am sorry to inform you that it isn't hung like a …..its run like a Donkey.
I have also studied your more recent photograph & both Mr Deidre & I have bet money on the fact that there are still very few if any, pictures in frames on the wall or in family albums.
Warm Regards
Deidre.
Dear Diedre.
My name is Martin & I have wrote to you before. You may remember me as Donkey.
Anyway I have been very busy pumping iron to make myself bigger & muscular in the hope that I may finally get my picture taken. I have become quite competitive and my goal is to be bigger & stronger & better at everything than my brother.
I know my muscles are bigger as I measured them. They are 4mm big. Not far to go until I have 10 inch ones like my brother. I feel stronger now too & my kiss is a punch. I kissed 6 people yesterday.
Anyway I just thought I would pop a more recent photograph of myself in the post for you.
PS. Mr Deidre is welcome to a look.
Love Martin
Dear Martin
You really are becoming quite annoying. I have had a lengthy conversation with your brother, who by the way is the complete opposite of you. I found him to be warm, intelligent & humorous. He faxed me over a picture of himself & I can see where this sibling rivalry & pure jealousy is coming from.
My advice to you is to just wake up and smell the bacon. You will never be as good as your brother Martin. Never ever ever never ever..
PS Mr Deidre declined your invitation to view your picture. Please do not send me any more.
Dear Deirdre
My name is Martin. You may know me as the boy with no pictures or Donkey.
I am writing to you today to tell you all about my adventures travelling the world.
When I was In Australia
100 pages later
Ps I have enclosed 900 pictures of myself in different poses all around the world for your perusal.
Love Martin
Dear Martin
BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gave up after paragraph 1.However the other 100 pages & 900 photographs came in handy as Mr Deidree & I ran out of toilet roll.
PS please stop stalking me. I am getting frightened.
Warm Regards
Deidre.
