Suicide

INT. DAY. OFFICE.

A PSYCHIATRIST IS ASSESSING A PATIENT.

PSYCHIATRIST: Have you ever considered suicide?

MAN: (O.O.V.) Yes, every waking minute.

PSYCHIATRIST: You constantly think of suicide?

MAN: (O.O.V.) Yes constantly, I even dream about it.

PSYCHIATRIST: I see and have you attempted to take your own life?

MAN: (O.O.V.) Yes, twelve attempts. Eight successful and four unsuccessful.

PSYCHIATRIST: That's preposterous, how can you kill yourself eight times when you are clearly alive.

CUT TO MAN DRESSED AS A CAT.

MAN: I'm a cat doc, you gotta help me, I'm down to my last one.

That's just silly.
Heh, heh. Funny though.

Bit of a groaner, but in a good way - it works. Feel you don't need to explicitly state he's got nine lives at the end. As most people will get the joke for themselves. Or maybe try it the other way:

If you don't mind me suggesting:
CUT TO MAN DRESSED AS A CAT.

MAN
I'm a cat. You gotta help me doc, I'm down to my last one!

PSYCHIATRIST:
13th time lucky, eh?

I think you were right Nigel. Sorry!

Hi Nigel. The sketch is a good idea and very funny. However, I generally agree with Rob & Mikey. I've taken the entrance angle, as opposed to the ‘pull back to reveal'.
________________________________________________________________________

INT. DAY. OFFICE.

CLOSE-UP OF PSYCHIATRIST'S CREDENTIALS ON WALL. PULL BACK TO REVEAL PSYCHIATRIST WRITING NOTES. HE STOPS, PUSHES INTERCOM BUTTON AND SPEAKS INTO IT.

PSYCHIATRIST:
Any more out there, Margaret?

MARGARET:
(VIA INTERCOM OOV) Yes Doctor - a Mister Fordham.

PSYCHIATRIST:
What's on his file?

MARGARET:
(VIA INTERCOM OOV) Dr Evans says the patient claims to have died eight times.

PSYCHIATRIST:
Eight times! Are you serious?

MARGARET:
(VIA INTERCOM OOV) That's what it says on the file. Four road accidents, three drownings and a bonfire.

PSYCHIATRIST:
(SIGHS) Oh all right, send him in…

MAN DRESSED AS A CAT ENTERS.
_________________________________________________________________________

Far better sir.

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ September 12 2008, 7:32 PM BST

Far better sir.

View original

Thank you, All yours.

Like both. Good rewrite though Morrace, as ever - you tied it all up well and fixed the ending issue.

Cheers, Rob.

Why not post some of your own stuff too?

I am my own severest critic. I only have old crap stuff which keep for sentimental reasons; in the same way I treasure photos of ugly deceased relatives. I'm quite happy to re-write and/or criticise. Having said that, I did post a sketch in Spanish, which derived from a comment made on another thread. That's the sort of thing I do here; I don't act - I react!

Sorry about the thread hijack, Nigel!

But I thought Critique was to get an objective view away from one's head where the sketch can often ferment until it no longer seems funny any more, overfamiliarity making it hard to identify and make necessary changes.

Well, I've found it an immense help to see others' opinions and ideas, there have even been some sketches I'd dismissed as failures that I posted and which received better feedback than stuff I initially thought was better.

Just asked because you seem to have a wide comedy knowledge and clear ability with your rewrites and witty comments and ripostes.

And sorry too for the hijack, Nigel - I checked the name this time

Fabulos sorry my commentas didn't show up before.

Love your simple quick skits.